To quote the great RuPaul, "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?" Amen RuPaul...amen.

Most days, yes, I wake up and I want to go right back to sleep. (Hello darkness, old friend.) When I manage to get myself out of bed and look in the mirror, my first reaction is usually "Ew Eileen, you should put some makeup on."

Regardless of whether or not I have bedhead, most times that I look in the mirror I'm usually annoyed with my appearance. Yeah sure, I can put as much mascara to make it look like I have eyelashes. I can fill in my eyebrows. I can do my hair and make myself look presentable. But most times, it's just to make myself feel a little better.

To switch gears a little, I believe in true love. However, I believe that the most important love--and your truest love is self-love. I used to be my own biggest fan. I would wake up, go to the bathroom and start telling myself, "Today is your day! It's gonna be a good day! You are beautiful and strong." I'm not sure where in my growing up that I lost that, but I did. I went from being my own biggest fan to my worst critic.

I used to be comfortable leaving the house in a nice dress and no makeup. Now, I feel like if I don't wear makeup, I probably shouldn't wear a dress. But who cares, honestly? No one else cares if I'm wearing any makeup or not; no one cares if I'm wearing sweatpants or a dress.

For a while, I wasn't a huge fan of myself, I tried to make myself feel better by dressing up and putting on makeup, but lately, I've been leaving the house without any on. I'm learning to love myself just the way God made me. While I feel much more confident with it on, I am realizing once again I don't need it.

It's strange to think that because of societal norms and ideas on how women should act, look, and simply be, that we change ourselves. When we were younger, we rarely worried about our appearances. Sure, we wanted all the cool new things our fellow classmates had, but we didn't worry about what we looked like.

In May of 2016, I weighed 92 lbs. Although it sounds like a lot, I have gained 20 pounds and I am now considered healthy. Sometimes I'm really insecure about having gained that much weight in a year, but I know that I'm in a much better place now. I do wish that I didn't gain so much weight so quickly, but I'm managing it by going to the gym much more frequently than I ever have in the past.

Yes, I realize that if I continue going to the gym, I will gain muscle mass, and that's great. I have to differentiate between unhealthy weight and healthy weight as a great friend has told me. Yes, I need to eat better too, and then hopefully in this I'll really learn to love myself.

I'm learning how to love myself because my sisters don't care about their appearances, but if they do, they sure as heck don't show it. My friends are also great influenes because they constantly seem like they're put together (although I know sometimes life isn't too great for them either) but I still look up to them for their confidence and I hope that I can achieve that level of self-love.

This is why I take myself on dates, honestly. I dress up and feel good for me--and no one else. I treat myself and sure it may seem lonely, but it makes me feel independent and strong.

I don't need anyone else to tell me that I'm strong or that I am pretty without any makeup. I know my worth. I know that I am able to face each day, and while support is greatly appreciated, I need to learn how to rely on myself. I need to love myself. I need to love me before I love anyone else and before anyone else can love me.