I think one of the most difficult things that humans have to cope with is loss.
And when I say this, I mean the loss of a person.
It can be taken in any regard…a relative, a friend, or a significant other. Without a doubt, loss can take on many forms and meanings.
However, it seems like the most prevalent and prominent type of loss is losing one’s significant other. That doesn’t necessarily constitute a boyfriend or girlfriend, but it could just be losing someone you were romantically invested in. It also appears that this creates the most unbearable pain as well.
And understandably so.
After all, how cruel and sadistic is it of the universe to send you the right person at the wrong time?
This brings about an important question: What is the best way to handle loss? To get over someone?
Despite my fairly young age and limited experience, I find myself wondering about this often. Seeing heartbroken friends around me hurts and all I want is an end to their suffering.
We’ve heard the usual “You just need to move on,” but that’s clearly so much easier said than done. There’s also the “Time heals all wounds,” which is true in itself, but that’s honestly the last thing anyone wants to hear.
Yes. You will eventually move on.
Yes. You will eventually find someone else.
Yes. It will eventually stop hurting.
But in that moment, even though everyone is telling you that it'll get better, it doesn't matter. Because it's the present and the present sucks. If you’re hurting, you’re not going to optimistically look forward to the future. The heartbreak is going to hit you hard because it’s all you can register in that particular moment. The future will mean nothing if you're currently overcome with sadness. It will still feel like your world is falling apart.
So what can you do?
When I was young, naïve, and freshly in a relationship, I believed that the best option was denial. Block it all out as if it never happened.
Looking back now, I realize how foolish and absurd I was. I chose a terrible way to cope with loss.
And my advice now is to don’t bottle it up like I did. I kept pushing my feelings back and it started to fill up until I couldn’t handle it anymore. If you do that, you'll burst one day and it will be catastrophic.
Instead, let it out. Give into the loss. Embrace it. Let it take over.
As strange as that may sound, acceptance is a step in the right direction.
If anything, you should reflect on everything, both the good and the bad.
The bad is necessary because without it, there wouldn't be any good to appreciate. Even more so, it's crucial to remember the good times. Especially after a breakup or falling out, people tend to forget that.
Inevitably, people change and feelings change. Yet regardless of that, it doesn't mean that the love wasn't true or real in the first place. It just means that when people grow, sometimes they grow apart.
Hold onto those memories because even if the person has changed, the memories won’t. Cherish the time you had together and be grateful that it happened. Your memories are your own keepsake and they are a valuable gift. They are a remnant of the past and a part of who you are.
What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't look back at the past with regrets and "what ifs." There is nothing you can about it, so don't strain yourself. But rather, you should look back with a peace of mind and acceptance. Let me repeat myself. Be grateful that it happened.
There's no guarantee that your heart will be mended overnight, but I can promise that you will emerge as a stronger person.
"Okay, we didn’t work, and all
memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.
But sometimes there were good times.
Love was good. I loved your crooked sleep
beside me and never dreamed afraid.
There should be stars for great wars
like ours." -Sandra Cisneros