Ever since I was little, I've been shy. My mom was the same way when she was a child, if not more so, so she understands how growing up shy can be. Mom enrolled me in a Montessori School because it's designed to help children learn to do things on their own. It helped me feel more comfortable standing up and getting supplies during class, but I still had trouble engaging with other kids. I had friends, but I often took part in parallel play, which means that I played adjacent to them instead of with them.
Despite my trouble communicating with others, I've always been very observant. Throughout the years, I noticed people's behaviors and how others would react to them. I saw how some people made friends by laughing at the same jokes and others developed friendships because of shared hobbies. One of my most interesting observations happened during middle school.
I was on my own a lot during seventh grade, and growing up shy made me used to being alone. It didn't make it feel any better, but I was familiar with simple tasks like walking down the hallway alone. However, I saw how uncomfortable the "popular" kids were when they weren't surrounded by a large group of friends. They gained their confidence from others, so they seemed to shrink when they were by themselves. I, on the other hand, had to get my confidence from within.
Because of that, I also learned to stick to my morals and not sacrifice any to fit in. I knew I didn't want to be part of a group of people who, from the outside, appeared to connect through superficial matters. I didn't want to change myself so others would accept my facade; I waited to befriend people who shared my passions and liked me for reasons other than partying.
Even though I've become a stronger person because of my shyness, it hasn't been easy. When you're shy, you have a heightened fear of interacting with others. I wanted to be a person who was friendly and outgoing, but I felt trapped inside my own mind. I was terrified of putting myself out there and the worst part was that I couldn't even explain why I felt that way. When other people would ask me why I was so quiet, I never had an answer they could understand.
That is why being shy is often misunderstood. People don't usually get it, unless they've experienced it. It's not an easy fix; it's not as simple as talking more. If it was, I would've solved the problem a long time ago.
I'm continuing to work on overcoming my shyness, but I've made an enormous amount of progress over the years. I'm still quiet around new people, but it doesn't take me as long to open up. I've had time to learn to enjoy my own company, which allowed me to grow more comfortable and confident in who I am as an individual.
Although shyness has made many aspects of my life more difficult, I am thankful for the way it has made me a stronger person who has a clearer sense of my identity.
