It is hard to go easy on yourself for being upset when something ends that wasn’t “something” to begin with. You tell yourself to snap out of it. That you knew what you were getting into. That it’s not fair to be upset over the end of a relationship with no label. Stop being so hard on yourself. Feelings are feelings and nothing is illegitimate.
When something ends before it even really started, it is hard to know where you stand. What were you two in the first place? Well, you might never know, but that doesn’t erase the plans you made for the two of you when you couldn’t sleep or when you daydreamed on the train. It doesn’t negate the rush of adrenaline you felt when your phone buzzed and you saw his name. Do not abnegate the validity of your feelings--they were real.
Do not blame yourself for the fact that it ended, but more importantly: do not dwell on what could have been. It is so hard to navigate the casual dating scene that seems to reign free on most college campuses. When you think you found the one guy who wanted something more, it is a struggle to let that idea go. The sad truth of the matter is, however, sometimes you have to. Luckily, this is easier than you think.
Accept that those dreams you planned can be a reality, just maybe not with the person you had in mind. This is tough at first, but soon you may see that what you really fell in love (or like) with was the idea of the steady relationship in which you cuddled by the fire and danced together in the kitchen, and the person you centered those thoughts around might have merely been a symbol of a life you want.
Especially in the age of social media and texting, it is easy to lose the person you are talking to and make them what you want them to be. You text them and snapchat them, but intimacy is cut out from this form of interaction. This lack of closeness leaves a gap that one tends to fill in with your expectations and not reality. He may have seemed perfect, but you also might have made him a little more perfect than he is. This realization can be crucial in overcoming the confusion and pain that stems from the loss of the sort-of-kind-of relationship you almost had.
When these dreams and expectations seem to slip away with every opened (and yet, unanswered) snapchat or “haha” response, stop running over what you could have done differently, what could have been. Focus on the good that came out of whatever this was. Maybe a self confidence boost, maybe it helped you get over the stubborn ex, maybe it was just plain fun while it lasted. But above all, remember how valuable you are and that your worth comes from yourself and not that cute guy that almost was.
