Read that title one more time. Yes, you read it right! “How I Found Beauty in Brokenness.” I know, you may be thinking to yourself “seriously Courtney? You’re crazy!” But keep with me here, and I’ll explain everything.
Psalm 34:7 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
I am currently co-leading a 7th-12th grade small group at my home church in Northern Kentucky with some of the most AMAZING women I have ever met. We are working through a study called “Looking for Lovely” by Annie F. Downs, and I’m loving it. The biggest idea I have taken from these devotionals thus far is the idea of finding beauty in the toughest of times and honestly, I’ve done this without even realizing it.
Let me give you a little back-story about myself: I grew up in a beautiful family. My parents loved each other, my brother was my best friend and my dog was probably the cutest thing to ever grace this planet. But no matter where you come from, I learned very early on that you couldn’t avoid heartbreak, no matter how hard you tried to.
Personally, I never really understood how you could find true beauty and peace in tough situations until my world turned upside down my senior year of high school. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a complete daddy’s girl and there is no denying it. I am an exact carbon copy of my father, and I’ve loved it ever since I was a little girl. To this day, I can’t imagine what life will be like after the day my dad goes to be with the Lord, and it terrifies me to even think about it.
I remember it like it was yesterday; I was at work folding the most hideous t-shirts you could have ever laid eyes on when my phone started buzzing in my back pocket. I was expecting a call from my mom so I quickly rushed to the break room to answer it. I answered it and my mom explained to me that my dad’s tests came back positive… my dad, my rock, my best friend in the entire universe, had cancer.
I can remember feeling as if my entire world was crumbling down, and I could feel it shattering into a million pieces as it hit the lowest point it could fall to. I started blaming God. In my mind I couldn’t wrap my head around why God would do such a thing to such an amazing person. Watching my family, including my dad, deal with the devastating news was heartbreaking. That’s when I discovered true strength. But most importantly, that’s when I discovered true beauty.
There’s something absolutely breathtaking about letting go and letting God. You see, I’m a control freak; I like it my way or the highway. But there comes a time where you just have to loosen your grip and let Him take over. Brokenness can be found anywhere: pain, heartache, and even fear. But finding true beauty in that brokenness is found in Him and Him alone.
I absolutely believe that my dad being sick was not an accident. It was God showing his unending grace and love. It was God showing that even in the toughest and most heartbreaking times, there is peace and there is beauty. Watching my father go through what he went through (and kicking its butt) is the reason I can say with every fiber in my body that heartbreak and brokenness is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. It’s breathtaking. You may not see it now, but in time you will begin to realize how amazing and glorious our God really is, and how you absolutely can find the beauty in every tough time you encounter.
2 Corinthians 12:10 “That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
