I spent a lot of time “in the closet” as a teen. At 15, I realized I wasn’t straight, but I knew I wasn’t gay either. It was a very confusing time as I searched online and read articles about how bisexuality doesn't exist, about how I needed to make a decision: was I gay or was I straight? I distanced myself from my friends and my family as I tried to figure out who I was. It was a difficult time.
When I was 16, I met someone, she told me she was “pansexual” and I had no clue what that meant. As soon as I walked away from her, I got on my phone and looked it up. I found hundreds of definitions, and finally found the proper label for myself. Pansexuality is most commonly defined as the sexual attraction to a person of any sex or gender. This includes males, females, and trans people as well. This means I could be attracted to anyone with any sex, gender, multiple genders or lack thereof. It took a while to really grasp what this was, who I was. Luckily, as soon as I discovered more about myself I had a friend to turn to who was nothing but supportive through all of this. After I came to my conclusion, I stayed “in the closet” for a few more years, until I accidentally came out.
As a freshman in college, I was lost. I was taking way too many classes, my Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) was only getting worse, and I had no one to whom to turn. Luckily, when I met new people I didn’t hide this part of myself from them. I gained friends that knew me. I felt included. Some of my friends were also part of the LGBT+ community which was huge for me, coming from such a synchronous community.
I wrote a paper for my composition class about human sexuality, and in the reflection, I mentioned that I am pansexual. Without taking that part out, I sent it to my sister-in-law for her to look it over. She finished reading it and sent it back, then I got a message on Facebook saying, “I’m guessing you didn’t mean for me to see that part about you being pansexual… but know that your brother and I support you no matter what!”
That’s how I accidentally came out to my sister-in-law and my older brother.
It was refreshing. Knowing that my brother and sister-in-law supported me was amazing. I no longer felt alone and scared, it just reminded me that my family will accept me. I still stayed “in the closet” for a few more years. When I turned 19 I informed my mom that I wanted to go to Pride in Boston. We were in the car on the way to New Hampshire. I was sitting shotgun, my sister was in the back when she said: “I mean, sure, but like… are you gay, or what? I don’t care, I love you, either way, I just want to know.” I sat there shocked. How did she know? I mean, I guess I never really kept it a secret, but I never told her either. I tried to explain it to her, and even after two years I’m still explaining everything I can to her.
Now, as a senior in college, I encourage all students, faculty and staff to be accepting of everyone, not just LGBT+ people. Acceptance is something everyone looks for when they get to college. My positive experience in college and as a student leader has even pushed me towards getting a Master's degree in Higher Education in Student Affairs. Due to the people in my college who work hard every day to make it an accepting place, I was happy and I felt safe. I want to return the favor for young people in situations similar to mine.
My family and friends have been so supportive, and I couldn’t be any luckier. They’ve been there for me since I told them, and I’m so thankful to have them in my life.
So many people don’t have as successful of a coming-out story as I do. There are a lot of people in the world who aren’t accepted for who they are, and we need to take the steps necessary to protect them. Please remember how important that is, especially during the election year.
That’s the story about how I didn’t come out, I was dragged out. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
