Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.
—Sarah Dessen
Being only 17 years old, most people assume that I know nothing of real loss. I wish that was true, but I've experienced more loss than some grown adults have in my short years on this earth.
At ten years old, I remember realizing that my Paw Paw just didn't seem right. I knew deep down that was something was wrong, and sure enough, he was diagnosed with cancer. Having to watch a man who I had seen be so strong and happy my whole life become so weak so quickly completely broke my heart for the first time. The last words he ever said to me were "Don't cry, everything is going to be okay." Those words have stuck in my head ever since and they have truly pulled me through all the losses I have endured since.
Not too long after my first Paw Paw's death came the death of five other incredibly important people in my life. Each death was insanely hard to deal with and it truly seemed as though the pain just would not end.
The pain brought on by losing each of them was different in their own ways, but that pain was, and still is, incredibly heavy and hard to carry.
Experiencing so much loss has been extremely difficult and I would not wish it upon anyone. But in a way, I'm grateful for it.
It has taught me to never take ANYONE for granted, and to let your love for those around you be known, because you never know when the last time you see someone is truly the last time until they're gone..
It has taught me to love fiercely and wholeheartedly and with no regrets, because "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
I have learned to truly appreciate every second you have with the people you love. At any minute, a loved one could be ripped from this world, and a piece of your heart will be gone with them, so it is so important to me now to make sure that I leave nothing unsaid or undone.
Death is never easy to deal with. No matter how long it has been since you've lost someone, the pain will still remain. However, you cannot live in constant fear of this pain. Never let the fear of death keep you from the wonders of living and the beauty of loving.
