"When you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them." Taylor Swift definitely knew what she was talking about when she sang these words. Because when you're fifteen you think that the guy you're dating is going to love you forever, and you're going to get married, and you two, of all people, are going to "make it." And that's why you put up with the lies, the cheating and the mental abuse. And that's why when he says "don't hang out with those people” or “don't wear those clothes," you listen. And you do what he says.
And when he tells you that you can't leave him because nobody is ever going to love you and he will turn all of your friends against you...you believe him. Because it's your fault that he gets mad sometimes and it's your fault that he cheats on you. And maybe if you just tried to be a better girlfriend, and you listened to him, and you didn't make him so mad all the time it would be different. And when you finally end things a year later, it'll just get worse. He'll make a point to text you as soon as he thinks you start to get over him, and he'll make a point to tell you that he never loved you anyways because you're ugly. And he will break your heart even more afterwards than he did while you were dating. And then, four years later, he'll come back and do it again.
But listen. That's okay.
It's okay that you let yourself be in that situation and it's okay that you sometimes look back and think "what was I doing?" because now you know. Now you know all the ways that you shouldn't be treated and when a guy comes along and treats you with the respect you deserve, you'll notice it. And when you actually fall in love, you'll appreciate it more. Without experiencing the pain and hurt of that relationship, I don't think I would have realized all of the great things that my boyfriend now does for me. When I look into my boyfriend’s eyes and see the love that he has for me, I realize that when I looked into my ex's eyes there was nothing but control and manipulation. And when I get happy over the little things like when Seth screenshots my Snapchat's, I realize that this is it. I went through all the hell of that last relationship so I can appreciate the good in this one.
That past relationship wasn't a mistake. When I look back on it, I don't hate him or regret it because he taught me a lot about how I should be treated. He taught me that he wasn't the right guy for me. He taught me that you can't actually love somebody when you treat them the way he treated me. He taught me that mind games and manipulation aren’t a sign of love. They’re a sign of control and power. And most of all, he taught me that the love I have for my boyfriend is real. And the experiences I had, help me to love him more and more each day.
