“Make new friends, and keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold.”
I think that’s how the song goes. It’s referring to the value of friendships, placing the utmost importance on long term friendships. But you see, what they don’t tell you about making these golden friendships is that they aren’t guaranteed to last. That first day in second grade, when you introduce yourself to your soon-to-be BFF, the thought of how the friendship will eventually dissolve doesn’t even enter your mind. Yet there are so many ways for friendships to end. Sometimes they end loudly, in fireworks, in the form of tearful fights, and bitter betrayals. Some would say these are the most painful ways for a friendship to end. To those people, I say, you haven’t truly experienced the second way to lose a friendship. That’s the fade out. The slow and almost untraceable process of two best friends drifting apart, until one day you wake up and realize you don’t know them at all. This is the process of how best friends turn into strangers.
When I say best friends, I don’t mean those people you’re super tight with for fifteen minutes in high school and now you just check in on their FB page every now and then. I mean the people who knew absolutely everything about you, from the color of your gym socks to your Starbucks order. These people knew the secrets you kept from everyone, including yourself. You called each other brother or sister because you might as well have known each other from birth. They understood you in ways you didn’t understand yourself and you knew they could be trusted with anything. They were your “person” as Meredith Grey would say. But what happens when your “person” isn’t your person anymore, and you aren’t their's?
It doesn’t happen all at once, it happens over time. It’s not really anyone’s fault, it just happens. You get busy and you make excuses, telling each other you’ll catch up tomorrow, or next weekend. But pretty soon tomorrow turns into next week, next week into next month and before you know it you haven’t talked to each other in an entire year. The only contact you have is an occasional text wishing each other a happy holiday or a Facebook notification from an old memory tagged on their timeline. You think about them from time to time and you mean to reach out and see how they're doing, maybe reconnect, but you don’t because you have new friends, new priorities, and a new life that you don’t know how they would fit in. During the immediate process of transitioning from BFFs to strangers, you go through an erratic spectrum of mixed of emotions. First, there’s the frustration and hurt you feel when your messages go ignored, postponed plans never happen, and rain checks pile up higher and higher. Then, it’s the way you can’t help but miss them when you do the activities you used to do together, with your new friends. And of course, there’s the moment when your family asks about how they are and you suppress that twinge of guilt in the bottom of your stomach when you realize you genuinely don’t have a clue. Or later, when you’re scrolling through social media and you see them getting married, having children, moving to different parts of the country...and all you can think about is how time went by so fast. How could it possibly have been so long since you last talked?
What’s worse is if they're still a part of your social circle. Then, not only do you experience the waves of nostalgia, but you also get to witness them move on without you. See them thrive in their new life experiences that you’ll never be apart of in the same way you were. You see them share those experiences with someone that isn’t you, and you can’t help but feel a little jealous even though you too have moved on. You smile, share small talk, and pleasantries, but from afar no one would imagine the two of you used to be closer than family. To the outside eye, you’re as good as strangers.
As time goes on, it’s easier to accept that these people that used to be such an integral part of your life just aren’t anymore. It gets easier to accept that losing and making new friends is a part of growing up. The truth is these people will always be a part of you. They were crucial in shaping who you are today, and therefore will always have a place in your tomorrow. Odds are your BFFs now are going to be the people this article makes you think about later. So make the most of every friendship. Create memories you’ll never forget and be the best “person” you can be. And if you’re really reminded of that certain person who made your life bearable when nothing else did or made the greatest moments unforgettable, hit them up. Just to tell them you’re thinking about them. Thank them for the part they played in creating the person you’ve become and make sure they know they’ll always be your best friend, no matter how many others come along. After all, best friends forever has to mean something, right?
