In 2014, I downloaded an app called Project Toe. It was an app for those with depression, self-harm, and various other difficulties to connect with and talk to random people. You could choose to help others or be connected with someone who wants to help you. Each person had a unique username. Mine was WreckedHope.

One night, I was having a rough time. I clicked the help me button and was connected with loopylottie. We talked for a while, and I found out her name was Charlotte, she lived in England and was four years older than me. She dealt with similar demons as me, and she talked to me about it, calming me and getting my mind off things.

Before I connected with Charlotte, I would delete most of the people I was connected with on Project Toe and reconnected with different users. I did this mainly because I either felt they didn’t know how to help me or they were simply boring to talk to. If I had done this in the beginning or middle of the conversation with Charlotte, I would have regretted it so much if I knew how much of an impact she would be on me in the future.

I say this because at the end of our conversation she said, “I feel like you’re my little sis and I’ve got to look out for you.” Now this meant a lot to me because I’ve been an only child, and I’ve always wanted an older sister. Some of you might be thinking, “Ha, think again,” but that’s just how I’ve always thought. Those of you who don’t have siblings might agree with me.

To me, having a sister meant you had someone who would always be there for you. You’re stuck with them and vice versa so they couldn’t exactly leave you like friends could. During this time, I had learned that friends could say they would always be there for you, but I had seen how that was not true. Having a sister would be different though.

After this message, I felt like I truly did have a sister, even though she lived across the ocean. We’ve talked almost every day for the past three years. In 2015, we met for the first time when she came to visit Chicago. In 2017, I visited her in England. In 2018, she’ll come back for my 21st birthday. And in future years, we’ll continue making new memories that will make up for all the years we weren’t sisters, though it feels like we’ve always been.

I love you big sis.