It’s finally here. The moment I’ve been waiting for… well the moment I thought I had been waiting for. I’ve made it to my senior year of college, well not yet but kind of… I just finished junior year anyway. I’m currently sitting at the desk on the 1st day of my summer job. My task is to pick up the phone when it rings and transfer those calls to other people in other places. Don’t get me wrong, when I’m lucky enough to get these calls I feel useful, helpful and proud of myself, but that’s the bulk of my purpose for the summer and well… in between those calls I can definitely drift away and feel lost. With all the time that the phone isn’t ringing I can’t help but think back on the past three years of my college experience. It hits me all at once that this will be the last summer of my college years before I’m out in the real world doing real adult things. And then it hits me all at once how terrified I really am.
“Am I ready for senior year?” “Am I ready to live on my own after senior year?” What am I going to do after college?” “What is the meaning of life?” “Can I eat ramen noodles for the rest of my life?” These are the thoughts that flood my head and keep me from looking at the phone that could ring at any second. I don’t have time to transfer yet another worried mother to the Financial Aid Office. I NEED TO PANIC ABOUT MY FUTURE!
The next few moments turn into a blur as I rush to my backpack to grab a pen and a sheet of paper. I slap the paper down and begin to make a checklist. It takes a second before I consciously realize that I’m going to try and calm myself down by writing an inventory of things I have learned in the past three years of my life at college. These things will prove that I will truly be ready for what lies ahead in my life. I know that I won't be content until this list is done so I write fast and in the legibility of a 1st grader.
- In three years alone I have met so many amazing people and created beautiful relationships with hundreds of professors, students and staff.
- I’ve overcome more all-nighters than I’d like to admit on only coffee, bathroom breaks and determination.
- I was comfortable, modest and smart enough to admit when I was wrong and went to a friend whenever I felt down or lost or just needed help.
- I switched majors twice because I wasn’t afraid of standing up to people and telling them flat out that I wanted to follow my dreams.
- I couldn't have done any of it without my family and friends, and my family and friends aren't going anywhere soon.
- I went in to my professors offices after hours even when I wasn’t asked to and created powerful relationships with them that I know will last.
- I joined clubs and organizations that I knew would hone my skills and experiences for the professional world.
- I had fun and spent time doing things I loved.
- I’ve gotten this far, I can keep going.
After I finish scribbling down my last bullet point I catch my breath and hold my paper up to read. An overwhelming sense of relaxation and confidence rushes over me and I slump back into my seat. Maybe I was ready for my senior year this whole time. Maybe I’ve always been ready and I just needed a little reminder. I laugh to myself and close my eyes as all of the weight is lifted off of my shoulders. Not long after I had gotten a chance to unwind I hear the phone ring next to me, and just like that I’m back to my summer job. As I transfer someone over I think to myself how even though I will enjoy this summer experience and all the fun I’ll have with my friends, deep down I still can’t wait to start my last year of college. I want to see how I will accomplish so many goals. I want to be proud of myself. I am proud of myself.
Update: I was just told by my supervisor that I can also watch Netflix between my calls... Maybe senior year doesn’t have to come as quickly as I originally wanted it to after all.
