A Hopeful Depression | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Student Life

A Hopeful Depression

When battling depression, remember to look at the battles you've won.

1156
Sad
Every Pixel

Sometimes, my depression looks like me standing in the kitchen, drinking iced tea, with one earbud in and no pants, half listening to my roommate talk about her day and wondering if 10:39 pm is too early for me to go to bed. Not to sleep, just to be there. Anyone who knows me, knows I thrive once the sun goes down and I don't usually fall asleep until 3 am. But there are many days, where I sit and stare at the clock, watching the minutes pass, waiting for an acceptable time for me to retreat to my room for the night without causing alarm.

My roommate would be the first to notice, as she usually is. She's right by all the action, or lack thereof. She's usually nice enough not to approach me about it, until I've skipped class and work for 3 days and haven't left my bed, except to walk my dog. Then there's a gentle knock on my door and she says she wants to know if I want food, which really translates to, "I'm worried". It's become a thing between us of unspoken questions posed as regular ones. Like, "did you walk Ben?" means "have you left your bed at all today?" Or "would you like a sandwich?" means "when was the last time you ate?" But its only when I see a pint of non-dairy Cherry Garcia ice cream sitting in the freezer, that I know she's worried and doesn't know what else to do. Buying my favorite ice cream and silently putting it in the freezer is her last attempt to try to pull me out of darkness before getting outside help. I don't know if she knows that I recognize her kindness and too much of a bitch to tell her how much I appreciate her. And I do.

Regardless of all the time I spend in it, my bed has become one of my least favorite places to be. Its just a nest for my depression and anxiety to lay in and grow. I used to fight it. I used to go to the gym or the library or a local coffeeshop, anywhere to get out the house. But then there would be days, where I open my eyes, and I didn't move at all. Maybe, I'll scroll through social media but usually, I just lay there, drifting in and out of sleep until it gives me a headache. Soon, I had more and more of these days. I used to justify it by saying I had to get all the sleep I could, because at night, I couldn't sleep without to help of alcohol or weed. But, this was just an excuse, so those around me wouldn't be alarmed. They're still alarmed, they just don't say anything.

But I'm healing. I don't know if depression is something that ever goes away. Maybe it stays with you, but you learn to cope with it, learn to handle it. I am better than I was yesterday and even better than I was 3 years ago. I smile. I laugh. I have a support system I never would've thought I could have or even deserved. And though there are still plenty of days where I can't leave my bed, its less days than before and it'll be even less days in the future.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

Every Girl Needs To Listen To 'She Used To Be Mine' By Sara Bareilles

These powerful lyrics remind us how much good is inside each of us and that sometimes we are too blinded by our imperfections to see the other side of the coin, to see all of that good.

106609
Every Girl Needs To Listen To 'She Used To Be Mine' By Sara Bareilles

The song was sent to me late in the middle of the night. I was still awake enough to plug in my headphones and listen to it immediately. I always did this when my best friend sent me songs, never wasting a moment. She had sent a message with this one too, telling me it reminded her so much of both of us and what we have each been through in the past couple of months.

Keep Reading...Show less
Zodiac wheel with signs and symbols surrounding a central sun against a starry sky.

What's your sign? It's one of the first questions some of us are asked when approached by someone in a bar, at a party or even when having lunch with some of our friends. Astrology, for centuries, has been one of the largest phenomenons out there. There's a reason why many magazines and newspapers have a horoscope page, and there's also a reason why almost every bookstore or library has a section dedicated completely to astrology. Many of us could just be curious about why some of us act differently than others and whom we will get along with best, and others may just want to see if their sign does, in fact, match their personality.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

20 Song Lyrics To Put A Spring Into Your Instagram Captions

"On an island in the sun, We'll be playing and having fun"

20149
Person in front of neon musical instruments; glowing red and white lights.
Photo by Spencer Imbrock on Unsplash

Whenever I post a picture to Instagram, it takes me so long to come up with a caption. I want to be funny, clever, cute and direct all at the same time. It can be frustrating! So I just look for some online. I really like to find a song lyric that goes with my picture, I just feel like it gives the picture a certain vibe.

Here's a list of song lyrics that can go with any picture you want to post!

Keep Reading...Show less
Chalk drawing of scales weighing "good" and "bad" on a blackboard.
WP content

Being a good person does not depend on your religion or status in life, your race or skin color, political views or culture. It depends on how good you treat others.

We are all born to do something great. Whether that be to grow up and become a doctor and save the lives of thousands of people, run a marathon, win the Noble Peace Prize, or be the greatest mother or father for your own future children one day. Regardless, we are all born with a purpose. But in between birth and death lies a path that life paves for us; a path that we must fill with something that gives our lives meaning.

Keep Reading...Show less
Health and Wellness

10 Hygiene Tips For All College Athletes

College athletes, it's time we talk about sports hygiene.

18629
Woman doing pull-ups on bars with sun shining behind her.

I got a request to talk about college athletes hygiene so here it is.

College athletes, I get it, you are busy! From class, to morning workouts, to study table, to practice, and more. But that does not excuse the fact that your hygiene comes first! Here are some tips when it comes to taking care of your self.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments