If you are in college or your early twenties, there is a high likelihood that within the past week you have heard, read, or spoken the phrase “hookup culture.” Indeed, this term that is used to describe, and oftentimes lament, the unattached nature of many contemporary relationships seems to be practically ubiquitous.
However, I see many problems with this term and the way in which it is frequently used. Based on my own experiences and observations, I view the expression “hookup culture” as somewhat inaccurate, not to mention unnecessarily critical.
For starters, this supposed “hookup culture” is not exactly a new phenomenon.
Based on my knowledge of history (and, admittedly, my indulgence in entertainment ranging from Animal House to The Tudors), humans are not new at this. Millennials don't have a monopoly over drunkenness, detached sex, and other supposedly immoral behaviors associated with the hookup culture.
Of course, social media sites and applications like Snapchat and Tinder help facilitate hookups and make them feel increasingly prevalent in our lives, but that does not mean we are the first generation to notice or experience them.
Moreover, the idea of a hookup culture feels highly exaggerated considering I have witnessed numerous relationships among people of my young generation, relationships that look anything but casual.
Many of my friends are in serious, committed relationships. I rarely make it to class without passing at least one couple holding hands on my walk across campus.
Frequently, my Facebook newsfeed is peppered with updates on new couples, sometimes even newly engaged couples, as well as Odyssey articles with girls singing the praises of their amazing, supportive boyfriends.
If the casual hookup culture is as ever-present as many claim it to be, there are still many people managing to maneuver their way around it.
Another aspect of the term “hookup culture” that I take issue with is that the phrase is thrown around without a clear definition. Yet, the expression is still often presented as strictly dichotomous, as if people simply either engage in the hookup culture or avoid the hookup culture.
In fact, there is a wide range of actions regarding sex and love from one-night stands to kissing at parties to serious relationships to total abstinence, and every other behavior in between.
It is undeniable that the phrase “hookup culture” carries very negative connotations and thus can have critical and judgemental overtones. I doubt, for example, that a woman whose actions correspond with what may be defined as the hookup culture, no matter how confident she is with her decisions, would enthusiastically volunteer, “I am an active participant in the hookup culture!”
To be fair, many people who write or talk critically about the hookup culture are not outwardly condemning those engaging in these actions themselves. Nonetheless, by explicitly distancing themselves from the culture of casual sex and dating, they can unjustifiably make those who are considered a part of the culture seem inferior.
The most serious problem I have with the term “hookup culture” is that I notice many people use it to bemoan their own lack of a serious relationship.
I too have been tempted to cast blame for my singlehood on the social norms regarding casual hookups which I often perceive around me. However, when I truly think about it, I know there are many more obvious reasons as to why I do not have a boyfriend, including my shyness, my tendency to like guys who do not want serious relationships, and the simple fact that I have not yet found someone I am compatible enough with to date in the long-term.
Of course, dating is hard in our current times, especially with the omnipresent nature of technology and social media but, chances are, dating has never been easy. It honestly does not seem fair for people to definitively blame their own relationship dry spells on the personal and free-willed actions of others.
“Hookup culture” is not a product of our age, but rather a product of our age.
By this, I mean that I do not believe the casual dating scene is unique to our twenty-first-century lifestyle but rather that its presence can be attributed to the fact that we are all still very young.
We are hormonal, naïve, and restless and thus it is to be expected that many of us are not quite ready for commitment even though we still want to meet and interact with people whom we find attractive.
We should stop wasting energy trying to name whatever it is we are living through and should instead enjoy this short time of being young and largely independent, doing whatever it is we choose to do.
