When we think of hookups and nightlife, usually what springs to mind is having a brief conversation with a stranger at a bar or a party and having immediate sexual energy. Drinks have probably been ordered and finished, and the night ends in the stranger’s bed.

Not terrible right?

It’s just like on TV – skipping the actual sex act because they can’t show that on primetime television, but it’s assumed. What’s not shown however is the most important aspect of hookups and why they end up being problematic.

Sex is about communication and making sure both parties are comfortable with what is happening. Hookup culture has never been about that, and it is heavily associated with drinking and partying. While there really isn’t anything wrong with these things separately, intoxication and sex are never a good mix, and it can lead to at least one party feeling regretful or even taken advantage of.

While it does depend on the situation of the individuals involved, hookups have a tendency to be glorified especially on college campuses that can lead to unhealthy decisions and serious assaults. A study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that almost 1 in 5 women experienced assault or rape that was either forced or while they were incapacitated during their freshmen year.

These statistics are fairly well known and still relevant on college campuses today. The culture surrounding dorm and nightlife pressures students into doing certain things that might not be healthy. Students feel as if they have to go out on weekends and involve themselves with drugs and alcohol before they can actually understand how to handle themselves and stay safe. In many cases, all of this happens during the first year that young people are away from home.

Suddenly students are living in an environment that is heavily dependent on having a sex life and taking part in some sort of nightlife. Whether you’re a man or a woman, if you have not had sex or put yourself into the dating scene, you’re seen as different or as a prude. Having sexual experiences, especially during freshmen year, is seen as a sort of competition rather than something that requires two-way communication and complete consent.

This leaves room for people to be taken advantage of in situations that alcohol or other drugs may be used and distributed. The problem of assault isn’t just the people who perpetuate it, it’s also the culture that says it’s ok to be selfish in bed. Yes, sex is about you, but it is also about the other human being that is also involved. Hookup culture tells us that its ok to do certain things in bed without asking because that’s “sexier” and that’s the whole point of a hookup, right?

The danger of that is it can turn into an assault. If the lines of consent are blurred or hard to decipher, that usually means that it wasn’t originally consensual in the first place. Hookups leave too much room for miscommunication or no communication at all that can deeply affect a person’s health later on. Sex can be a very intimate experience for some people and a very casual thing for others, but you can’t know unless you ask.

Consent is not the absence of a no, it is the presence of a crystal clear and willing yes. Many people go about thinking it is fine if their partner doesn’t clearly object to anything, however, this does not take into consideration past assault or rape survivors who may experience freezing up. Freezing up is a survival instinct that kicks in during a traumatic event.

Writer, Jackie Hong, talks about this lesser known product of assault: “Mentally withdrawing during an assault can serve as another defense when, after the initial freezing, someone thinks he or she can't get out of a threatening situation.”

Hookup culture is not accommodating to everyone, and it puts younger people at risk. College campuses today work hard to reduce the number of assaults that happen every year, but it won’t really make a difference unless students can understand what safe sex actually looks like.

It isn’t what we see in movies and TV, it’s making sure there is clear communication and an understanding that sex is not just about one person, it’s about two people and making sure both parties are safe and enjoying themselves.