Every time I log on to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc, I feel as if someone is getting into a relationship, engaged, married, or even having their first born child. Relationships are slowly making their way back into society, despite our horrible dating ways. For me, it is not very easy dating with a broken relationship history. When you have been placed into situations that have caused distress and self-doubt, it is hard at times to take others advice of moving forward. The reality of it is you will always have the lessons learned in the back of your mind. When you have been hurt and lied to over and over again it is almost unavoidable to build up walls when approaching new love. And when you meet someone new, insecurities begin to come out. It is sometimes hard to date with a "fresh start", and no baggage attached, but your sleeves are being worn heavy. It is fun to fall in love because at times we can not help ourselves, despite whatever pain may come from it. But through it all, you are not alone, and these are my confessions that some broken girls may wish they could say, but sometimes can not.

I am not perfect

When it comes to relationships, I am honestly a tough one. I begin to fear letting one in and seeing the parts of me that are complicated and not so easy. I fear that one will see the wounds I carry and begin to distance themselves from me. I want to trust my loved one, and I know that I should be more secure, but I am the byproduct of being cheated on and emotionally abused.

If one did not text or call back after a serious conversation, I begin to analyze and overthink things. I stress and worry about the future more often than I really should, but it is only because I tend to be on guard and protect myself from whatever the future holds.

I am afraid

When I meet an actual great guy who is full of life and personality it scares me knowing that I will soon be falling head over heels for him and allowing my feelings to come rushing in, and after actually allowing it to happen, knowing that I am only used to terrible outcomes. At times I will act distant, or maybe even too close, but it is because I am trying to figure out if I actually like the guy, while sometimes testing my boundaries.

I am working on fixing my problems

At times my issues can be looked upon with such negativity, which I find quite absurd due to the fact that I am owning up to my struggles and finding a resolution. I know what I am worth of; I am motivated and determined, which is why I will find a cure to my damage.

I am sorry

Of course all my issues are not my loved ones problems, and I am most definitely not asking for them to fix them, all I am asking for is love and patience. With every broken past comes a strong woman, and if you can not see my strength and endurance, then that is their loss. I have been on some highs and some lows, so I can give one a little dose of the brutal truth. If I like a guy, it is going to take awhile for me to give myself in full commitment to them, but time will get us there.

I am worth it

If I get to the point where I have truly figured out who my loved one is and give myself to them, I will stand by them through everything. I will be their rock and someone who they can always rely on. I can take any battle given and tackle it because I love being given a challenge. I know how to love unconditionally and to put my heart into things, which can explain why I have previously been damaged. They can trust me and love me, knowing that I have fought and failed, but learned from my failures. Through all of my damage, I will love them like no one else ever has.