Holidays are a time for gathering together with your loved ones, celebrating with food and gifts, filling the house with love and laughter. It's a time for being thankful, grateful, and giving. As the song goes:
"It's the most wonderful time of the year."
Unfortunately, the holidays can also be a painful reminder of those who aren't there with us. One less gift under the Christmas tree, one less plate setting at Thanksgiving dinner, one less voice echoing love during family parties.
No matter how long ago someone has passed away, that pain never truly goes away and they are missed constantly. There isn't a day you don't think about their smile, or wish you could pick up the phone and give them a call to check in. As time goes on though, it gets a bit easier to deal with. There are hard days, when it still feels fresh and new. And then the are days when you know they are with you, even if not physically.
Holidays, however, are the hardest to face. They are never the same when someone you love isn't there to enjoy them with you. Holidays that were once a source of joy, become another painful reminder that they are no longer here with you. The traditions you once participated in together are distant memories you wish you could get back. It reopens wounds while the rest of the world is joyous, and you feel so alone in your grief.
While these may be times of struggle, and a constant reminder of who you once had, remember that your loved one would have wanted you to enjoy the holidays. Here are a few ways you can, while honoring them.
Don't fight your sadness
It doesn't matter how long ago it was that they passed away. Be it a year or 10, you are still grieving. It is okay to be sad. Do not fight the tears, because your pain is real and to hide it or try and justify it, does not honor how important that person was to you. Be as sad as you need to be, your family and friends will support you and guide you through it.
Be with people that you love
Isolation is the instigator of depression. While this may be a time of serious sadness, isolating yourself while everyone is out celebrating together will only make you feel worse. While I'm not saying to spend all your free time with people, I am saying that it is important to have a healthy balance. Being with those you love could make you feel better, put a smile on your face, and boost your holiday spirits, even if it's for a few hours.
Talk about traditions
Whether you and your dad always watched a special Christmas movie on Christmas eve, or you and your mom made a delicious homemade pie before Thanksgiving, don't be afraid to talk about it. Other people in your life will know that you are missing them, and discussing what they used to do is a way of honoring their spirit.
Create new memories
While you don't have that special person to follow through with old memories or traditions, create new ones. Whether it's something to honor them, like lighting a candle or a special ornament, or something completely new like a Christmas game with the family, creating new memories will remind you that life didn't end after their passing. There is still plenty of life to be had, although it can be hard, moving forward with them in your heart is important.
Cherish your moments
Our experiences losing a loved one have shown us just how temporary life is. Losing someone is never an easy thing, but it does teach you to value the moments you do have and the people who are still in your life. Take a billion pictures, Whip out the camcorder. Cherish the time you have with them and document those memories to enjoy later on.
Losing a loved one can be one of the most devastating things a person must face. Holidays can be a tough reminder of this. Just remember that your loved one would have wanted you to laugh and be joyous during this wonderful time of year.
Even though they aren't here physically, they are in spirit.
