This time of year is a balancing act, it's complicated and, often, it's over-simplified. For most, it's not hard to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, but some people are doing their best to run away from some of the holiday's most famous traditions.
The holidays are traditionally viewed as a beautiful time of year, with decorations lining city streets, candles being lit in homes and in churches, families coming together and meals being shared. There seems to be a rather Hallmark effect that travels through the air and into the hearts of those around. And for those who love and live within the frames of this picture perfect world, there's really no way to view or approach the season any other way. But for those who have suffered through heartbreak and tragedies, this time of year can be the farthest thing from picture perfect.
There are individuals, families, friends, who have lost loved ones this time of year and who, with every little tradition, feel a bit of pain in the empty space their loved one has left behind. There are people who have lost loved ones at other points throughout the year and still feel that pain. And whether it's the first year of remembrance and trying to be strong, or if it's been 30 years, sometimes the days don't become easier and the season doesn't feel lighter.
The holidays can be marked with pain, and to have such a heavy heart while others are moving forward so easily is no easy task. There will be nights when you feel obligated to attend a holiday party. You may even want to go, but on your way out the door, a memory, an emotion, a moment, will hit you hard and suddenly the only reasonable place for you to be is curled up on your couch.
And when you're out shopping for the holidays, you may smell something that encompasses every sweet memory you've ever had with that person, you may hear someone who shares their laugh, you may for a moment envision that they're with you, and when the reality hits, it may be greeted with just a bit of pain in your heart. You may be able to keep pushing forward and you may break down right then and there. You may not feel pain at all, but soak in every bit of memory you thought you might have lost.
Decorating the Christmas tree, lighting the menorah, cooking a traditional meal, any small or big event can carry with it a life of a loved one to be remembered. It can bring a soft smile when looking back, it can create a bit of heartbreak to push through, it can put up a wall, in hopes that distance will make it easier. Holidays may feel sweet because it's when you feel them the most, or holidays may be so painful you choose not to celebrate. There may be days of both.
Just as we accept those who love this time of year and have been touched with nothing but happiness, we need to be mindful of those who may not be feeling the exact same sentiments. The events of the past inevitably make their way to the future and while laughter may be shared, that doesn't mean that there's not something deeper down.
If you're someone who experiences difficulty this time of year, keep in mind that others may not realize there's difficulty to be had. Know that your pain, or your lack thereof, is important and not to be overlooked; and know that whichever way you find easiest to cope is the best way to cope. You don't have to pretend to be happy if you're not happy, you don't have to fake love for the holidays if there's no love for them. And if you wake up one day and realize you don't have the strength to push through whatever activity lies ahead, be proud of the fact that you at least got out of bed, and be hopeful for a better tomorrow.
There will be good days and bad days, there will be easy holidays and there will be tough ones. Look closely to those you love, and lend a helping hand if they seem to be in need of a little extra love. Do what you do best, live in a way that suits you well and care for those who care for you. A little bit goes such a long way.
