We’re all heading home for break. It’s safe to say that over the course of the vacation we are all destined to be asked at least some of these fun questions. I thought I’d help out, with some prepared, no assembly required answers, so you can focus on eating, drinking and general merriment!
1. How are you enjoying Georgetown?
This is the most “small-talky” of all these boring questions. You could try surprising Aunt Mable by answering with undiluted truth, but she might think less of you. “I don’t remember any of the fun parts because Svedka,” or “I cry a lot in the shower,” are serious conversation killers -- perhaps avoid these.
2. What are you majoring in?
“I haven’t decided yet.” This isn’t a fun response so you should probably make something up. Choose something you know nothing about for maximum enjoyment. Premed students shouldn’t bother mentioning that that’s their plan because let’s face it, you probably won’t make it all the way.
3. What is a Hoya?
This too is most easily addressed with a lie. “A Hoya is nine-legged behemoth found only in Jesuit teaching that swallows up boys and girls who have pre-marital intercourse.” True fact.
4. My, haven’t you grown!
That's not even a question. No I haven't. Who continues to grow at college? I stopped when I was 16, so please cease from commenting on my height.
5. Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend?
This is probably more applicable for girls with relatives who don’t know why college is even necessary for them. “There’s an expiration date on that uterus, you know,” your mother may remark. However, no one is safe. My own grandmother warned me on my 19th birthday that at my age she was betrothed. If you do have a special someone then don’t worry about this question -- you’re set. Tell the people what they want to hear. If, however, you’re all on your lonesome, then you better have a real good reason to give your mother, who is thirsty for grandchildren.
6. And what does one do with that degree?
So your creepy uncle has discovered that your majoring in something he considers useless, like classics, English, geography or computer science. The best way to deal with this question is serious defensiveness. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Alternatively, you can use a series of meaningless Georgetown buzzwords in a low mumble. “Policy, think-tank, synergy, linkativity, management.” Let’s be honest, none of us have any clue what the hell we’re doing!
Happy holidays everyone!
