As you sit in the local coffee shop chatting with a friend, someone walks in wearing loose, ripped pants, an oversized flannel, and beat up Birkenstocks. Their hair is long and ragged; if a man, they have a bushy beard, and if a woman, they have it half up in a messy bun. They aren’t wearing deodorant, so their smell lingers after them. They order their coffee, but instead of the traditional, “vanilla latte”, it is something you’ve never heard of such as an, “nitrogen infused cold brew”. They make small talk with the barista and then walk outside where they sit in the sunlight, staring at the clouds until they eventually begin reading a book. As you turn to your friend, you notice that they have the same stunned expression on their face. What was that? You wonder, but don’t ask. After a while, your friend goes on with the conversation and you carry on, eventually forgetting the strange encounter.
This mysterious person happened to be what we have termed, a “hipster”. Not to be confused with the 1960s hippie, or the average wilderness man, a hipster is either a man or woman who values independent thinking above all else, shying away from the mainstream at all costs, hence their appearance and coffee orders.
As time has continued, the idea of the “hipster” has transformed from the unorthodox individual you engaged with in thoughtful conversation to a stereotypical fashion trend that every millennial aspires to. So, that half up-messy bun, bushy beard, and “nitrogen infused cold brew” that turned heads in the coffee shop has suddenly breached its head from the depths of the non-traditional into the mainstream. With that being said, is this new lifestyle fashion still considered “hipster” despite the dedicated practice of shying from the traditional and mainstream? Here are twelve surefire ways to spot any “hipster wannabe”.
1. They will have some sort of unique tattoo
Said tattoo will be abstract with some geometric symbols. Extra hipster points go to those who have a tattoo in a different language.
2. They are "experts" on coffee
It's not enough for them to simply drink coffee, hipster wannabes will be "experts" on coffee from the bean on the farm to the drink in your cup.
3. They (say they) listen to undiscovered music
Typically, hipster wannabes will talk about how they only listen to undiscovered or alternative music from Indie bands, but typically when they are researching the definitions of "Indie", "alternative" and "undiscovered" they will be listening to pop music's Top 40 playlists.
4. They wear lots of flannel
Flannel is basically the uniform of the hipster wannabes, from shirts, to jackets, to tied around their waste, it would be shocking to see one without it.
5. They always talk about kale
Kale is to the hipster wannabe what manna was to the ancient
Hebrews. Simply by mentioning the word, "kale" in relation to any of
your meals, one can instantly upgrade from "normal" to
"hipster."
6. They go on lots of "hikes"
Hipster wannabes love to go on what they call, "hikes". What they really mean is they will casual stroll through nature wearing jeans, a flannel, and a beanie in order to take a photo standing in some sort of foliage. After their mini photoshoots, they will post the picture to Instagram with #pnwwonderland.
7. They do yoga
And when I say "yoga", I really mean stretching in leggings. Similar to "Kale", "yoga" is a buzzword in the hipster wannabe community; by doing yoga, you are instantly more hipster.
8. They wear glasses
Even if they don't need prescription lenses, hipster wannabes will wear glasses, and in order to be extra hipster, the bigger the better.
9. They constantly post pictures of their succulents on Instagram
... need I say more?
10. Mason jar everything
From lanterns in the winter to cups for iced coffee in the summer, mason jars have become the hipster wannabes' all purpose canisters.
11. They refer to themselves as a hipster
The best part about hipster wannabes is that they will openly refer to themselves as "hipster" which defies the entire hipster mantra of "hate the mainstream." Sure.... you are a hipster...
So, if you want to be a hipster wannabe that fits in with the newest fashion trends and has hundreds of likes on your Instagram posts, then take this advice and run with it. But, instead, if you want to be a "real" hipster get out of here! Get off your computer and forge your own path in society. Forget what everyone else does, and do your own thing! Think outside the box and live the life you want to live not the life that will make you "cool".
