From the first day of my freshman year onward, I'd hear the phrase "Just be yourself," repeated into my ear a countless number of times.
It's easy to say from the outside looking in, but not so much the other way around. Sure, some people had the best of intentions for me and didn't want to see me hurting. Others were simply annoyed at how many problems kept resurfacing, despite pushing them farther and farther into the darkened corner of the very hallways in which I'd cried myself dry on far too many occasions. To this day, I hold that as my least favorite part of high school: the way that these issues always had to make a grand exit somehow.
Don't get me wrong, high school wasn't pure hell every day of the week twenty-four hours a day for four years. There were times people showed me acceptance and kindness when I deserved it least. I made friends that are still some of the most important people in my life, and who I know will remain that to me for years to come. But wait, if all of that is true, why does the title seem so depressing? The truth is, I didn't realize these things about my life and the people around me until I'd already graduated. Things that I thought would matter for the rest of my life suddenly didn't anymore, and I was left wondering how I could let high school get to me the way it did. The theory I hold to be true is the belief that some people are more well-equipped to handle high school than others. They know how to blend in, how to be well-liked, or even how to stand out. There are others who don't have the same talent. That is where this article comes in.
I was not popular in high school. If anyone even knew who I was in the first place, there would be a 50/50 chance that it was because they knew my boyfriend at the time. I felt as though I was never Lauren, I was always "(not naming names)'s girlfriend."
I was weird, either sketching, reading, or writing at each and every chance I got. I wore dark makeup and listened to music no one else had probably never even heard of. I was different, and in high school, that isn't always the best way to gain friends. I could have tried harder to fit in, but I didn't want to give up the things I was passionate about. Maybe I would have been more well-liked, who knows. Still, I have no regrets in that sense.
Towards the end of my senior year, I opened up more. People who had never said two words to me before started chatting with me. I had just broken up with my ex and had repaired relationships with old friends, but I wasn't stupid; I knew he was picking up the rumor mill on the other side. Now, when anyone tried to talk to me, I'd become paranoid that they were only doing it to make fun of me. I cared more about what they thought of me than ever, and it wasn't a good place to be.
Then graduation came. As soon as I walked out of the doors of my school, I had the feeling that things were going to be different. Sure enough, college brought opportunities and experiences I never thought could happen to me. I talk to people who aren't my best friends, but it isn't awkward anymore, it's just being social. No one was really "popular," because everyone had their own niche or clique. If someone didn't belong to a specific group in particular, it didn't matter. Everyone had someone.
Things that we thought were important in high school didn't magically go away, but social exile was a minor threat if a threat at all. More often than not, the majority of us are ready to leave our high school mindsets behind. Personally, I am more than happy to move on to the next chapter of my life, knowing that I won't be judged for doing so.