To The Girl Hiding Behind A Smile
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

To The Girl Hiding Behind A Smile

You think that you're fooling everyone, but you're not.

5439
To The Girl Hiding Behind A Smile

I see you.

You walk around with your shoulders back, head held high, and a smile on your face. To the outside world, you couldn't be happier. Everything seems to be going your way; your job isn't stressing you out, you're not falling behind in your classes, there are no family problems, you have no regrets, you have a positive attitude about your body type, you have a loving relationship, and your friends think you're thriving.

But that's all a lie, isn't it?

It seems as if your entire world is deteriorating underneath you, and perhaps it is. Your paycheck isn't enough for you to pay bills, so you search for another job even though your existing schedule doesn't allow it. As you finally catch up in your classes, there's twice as much workload that gets thrown at you.

Despite your family's best efforts to stay calm under trying situations, petty bickering still occurs and medical bills pile up - to which you carry the burden; maybe even the entirety of the guilt and fear so no one else has to. Your regrets outweigh all the things you could've and should've done, but there's no turning back time.

You look in the mirror before you get dressed and see all your flaws, no matter the angle or lighting. You cover every stretch mark, the dimples of cellulite, and every body part that jiggles with whatever black you can find. All because black is supposed to be slimming, right?

You're involved with a guy, but it seems to be stagnant and that scares you. Not because it isn't going well, but because all your doubt and anxiety tells you otherwise - and of course, you listen and become distant.

Your friends, your best friends, that you used to spend all your time with think you're thriving. They see your Instagram and Facebook posts and think that you're still smiling and making jokes as usual. If only they knew.


You put on this facade because you think you are strong enough to carry the weight on your shoulders; for the most part, you can. But eventually, those shoulders that you're holding so high will collapse under all the silent burdens and you'll crumble to your knees.

But no one will see it. You won't allow them to.

Instead, you'll brush it off and act like it didn't happen. You'll maintain your empty smile despite the overwhelming urge to burst into tears. You'll bottle everything up until eventually you take it out on someone who doesn't really deserve it. Instead of apologizing, you'll remain silent as you try to justify your actions, despite the fact that you know you're in the wrong.

You'll go home and turn on some music. The genres jump between accurate representations of your emotions and uplifting soundtracks expressing how you should feel. Instead of a mood shift, you're stuck in the living-equivalent of purgatory. You feel no actual emotion but you still have tears and mascara running down your face. You stare at your reflection; not at your flaws but into your eyes. You look into your soul and wonder where it all went wrong, wondering what you could've done differently in every scenario. This makes you fall deeper and your chest tightens up and it becomes suffocating.


Eventually, you wonder why you're feeling sorry for yourself; whether it's because you realize you're better than that or because it's not worth it. It depends on the day and the circumstance. Your tears dry up, mascara lines halt where they are, and you look at your reflection in its entirety. You remind yourself that all the situations, stress, and burdens could be a lot worse. They could be significantly heavier.

You let your sadness, rage, and regrets drive you - not to do unforgivable things, but to be your guide.You know how to adjust very well because you're stuck in almost a constant state of these. However, that enlightens you that the opposite of these emotions exist, which encourages you to improve and become stronger so you can achieve them.

You wipe the black smears off your face, fix your hair, and smile at your reflection. It mimics your actions but your eyes still reveal the truth. Regardless, you allow it. No one has noticed the truth in your eyes before, so how would they now? Or maybe they have but don't know how to react or help. But how would you know when you're too scared or overwhelmed to speak up?

You work to maintain that reconstructed smile. You force your shoulders back so they can be a stronger foundation for the impending weight that you'll face, wondering how much you can carry this time. You pick your head back up so you're able to see all the stress and burdens head-on, while also enabling you to flash that smile to any unsuspecting person.


Despite your best efforts trying to hide your pain, I see you.

Despite what you choose to see, I see your beauty, hard work, achievements and success. I've seen your genuine smile, though the occurrences are minuscule. I've seen what you're capable of. I've seen you shine.

I see you when you refuse to see yourself.

After all, I'm your mirror.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

71147
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

133024
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments