Hi, it’s me, your boyfriend’s female friend. This is probably awkward because movies have turned platonic relationships into hidden love stories: He's in love with the pretty cheerleader but the girl next door he's always had thinks of him day and night, but one day she'll take her glasses off and he'll see her beauty! He was meant for her all along!!!
This is not me. A lot of my female friends grew up having many guy friends who we love like brothers, but there’s always this stigma that we’ll ‘end up with one of them’ when the credits roll. As platonic as these friendships are, a lot of women have problems with their boyfriends befriending girls like us, but I’m hoping the following points will set the record straight.
1. He cleans up for you but not for us.
He’s gross. Every deal breaker in the book, we’ve witnessed. Whether it’s him farting in the middle of a conversation or inhaling chocolate ice cream at a vacuum like rate, we’ve seen it all. Trust me. He’s not trying to win us over.
2. I recognize he’s good looking…
…in a way that I recognize a brother is good looking. I’m not completely blind, I’m well aware when my male friends are handsome, but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them. We are Liz Lemon on 30 Rock: we know Jack’s a good looking guy, but we would never base our friendship with him on that fact.
3. Respect the time I spend with him.
We are friends, remember? I don’t need to spend every second of every day with him, but when we are spending time together all I ask for is your respect. Please don’t think my time with him is me scheming for a personal agenda, I just want to hang out with my friend!
4. We love each other, but differently than how you love each other
It might feel weird that he has room in his heart to love more than one person, but that does not make him unfaithful. The friendship we have is not a love that would replace your relationship, but it is valid. It’s not a matter of more or less. Please don’t drive yourself crazy over analyzing this.
5. I’m rooting FOR you.
Of course I want you two to be successful, it makes him happy! I get excited when he takes you out to that perfect Italian place that I recommended. I help him pick out the birthday gift you want, and I give him advice on how to best respect you. I want him to be in a happy relationship, but I would never want it to include me.
6. I will talk to him about the rough patches.
As his friend I won’t deny signs of relationship troubles. If he wants to talk about issues you two are having, I will logically talk to him about it without any form of agenda. I’ve had guy friends with girlfriends who I loved, but when they start having problems, I don’t let my approval of her blind me, I’ll hear him out because I trust him.
7. I do the things with him you find boring
There are certain things that you two just don’t have in common. Funny parody music, watching certain Netflix specials, a shared obsession with ice cream sandwiches: you don’t really care for this stuff, but I do. You don’t have to half-listen to your boyfriend talk about something you don’t care about! He may have interests that appeal to his friends more than you, I’m saving you from a boring conversation.
8. Don’t make him choose.
This is a concept that TV and movies have glorified, the ‘it’s either her or me’ complex. And yes, I’m all for self righteous woman and standing up for your relationship. Just don’t be the one to make him change his friend groups for you. Instead, come talk to us about the problem, this will hurt way fewer people and maybe you can understand from us first hand that we’re not interested in stealing him away from you. If you really love him you wouldn’t make him do that.
9. I’m ALLOWED to care about him.
Because I really do. I care about all my friends. If anything, you should be worried if I was a big presence in his life and didn’t care about him and get invested in his life. That doesn’t mean I’m pulling him away from you. He’s just trying to surround himself with people outside of his relationship that support him like you do. Believe it or not, it's healthy for him to have me in his life. All I ask for, as a fellow woman, is just your trust and respect.
