This debate has been going on for years. Guys, as well as girls, lose countless hours of sleep thinking about it. People have conducted studies and have put in hours upon hours of research into this controversy. I am here to settle this dispute, once and for all. Pluto should still be considered a planet.

Why was Pluto's status ever questioned in the first place? You can thank Mike Brown, an astronomer at the California Institute of Technology. He led a team that discovered a new massive body on the edge of our solar system. They named this new celestial object Eris. It looks like our moon, and was estimated to be larger than Pluto. Further research has concluded that Pluto is, in fact, a few kilometers larger.

2006: The year that changed everything. The jabronis at the International Astronomical Union, held a conference where they intended to establish unambiguous definitions for objects in our beloved solar system. Let’s just say that they s**t the bed. The definition of a planet is pretty abstract, and it upset many scientists (as if upsetting a scientist was such a big deal. Bunch of nerds.).

Overnight, Pluto lost its planet status that it enjoyed for over 80 years. Pluto became a dwarf planet faster than a fat kid eating a cupcake. The International Astronomical Union doesn’t define a dwarf planet as a planet. I don’t know about you, but this upsets me (but not really). It’s one of those things that pisses you off just because it’s not what you’re used to. It’s basically the same feeling I get when I am watching a new comedian. Yeah, I know I am funnier than them.

Anyway, calling Pluto a dwarf planet is pretty f***ed up in my opinion. Calling Pluto a dwarf planet is like calling a little person a “midget.” Yeah, they might look like the Charms professor in Harry Potter, but that doesn’t make them any less human.

Another reason why Pluto should still be considered a planet is because of tradition. Who doesn’t love tradition? Tradition is a part of everyday life. Pluto being a planet is as big of a tradition as having your father drink too much spiked eggnog during Christmas and calling you a sissy for loving to watch men’s pair figure skating (shout out to my brother Cody for being a figure skating fanatic). Anyway, why not just leave it alone and let us just call it a planet dammit.

And come on, if the head of NASA still calls Pluto a planet, it’s a godforsaken planet. It’s like when your boss says one of the employees is a lazy piece of s**t, even though you do the exact same thing they do. You just shake your head and agree with the boss. Same goes for this situation. Give the people what they want, and just change Pluto’s status. If you don’t — I am looking at you, International Astronomical Union — then the terrorists win. Just do a re-vote. Hell, do a coin toss. I don’t really care.

Finally, I will admit, this isn't my best work. Just read the damn article and comment please. I need my dad to look at me like he looks at my brother, with pride in his eyes.