We all know how it feels when our parents just don't understand us. Not just because of the generational differences - but also with how we want to identify and express ourselves. With most parents growing up with more traditional views and conservative ways to express themselves, their children now have to figure out how to be able to express themselves on top of their parent's rules. Sometimes it is easier for some kids, and for others not so much. For me, having to figure out how to express myself as a goth while around my mother has been a challenge.
I have had this fascination with all things dark and creepy and spooky since I was super little. Probably didn't help that my brother introduced me to that side. It's always been something that resonated me and made me who I was. But it was hard trying to figure out how to express that with my parents. At the beginning it was easy - just slowly adding more and more black into my wardrobe and gradually adding more makeup as I got older. But even then after some time, they'd catch on and try to convince me that dressing like that made me look depressed. But even then that didn't really deter me from liking those things. Over time my mother started to accept what I was, but even now she still tries to move me away from it.
But the thing is that parents need to be more accepting of their kids. Yes, we understand that you are looking out for us and our well-being. And yet we are okay. Not all of us stay in the gothic subculture (although we still might hold onto our favorite shirts). According to A Study of Gothic Subculture in their Advice for Parents section, we "are likely to become interested in Goth and remain involved in it will usually possess most of the following characteristics and traits beforehand: individualistic, reflective, artistic, introspective, emotionally focused and driven, sensitive, non-violent, moody. They are likely to have a distaste for authority, possess above average intelligence, and be social misfits." On top of that, what we like doesn't entirely mean that we are depressed, suicidal, or into smoking like a lot of shows perceive many goths (I'm talking to you, South Park). Most of the time we are into it because we feel as if it portrays our thoughts, interests, and beliefs whereas everything else just didn't fit us.
As one user from Reddit said for giving advice to a parent worrying about her own daughter, "Want to have a connection with her still? Get interested in her interests! When you go to Hot Topic with her ask her about the music and clothes she likes. Compliment something she wears, or praise her for expressing herself. My parents always shamed me for what I wore, and often made fun of me, or punished me if I wore something they thought was "evil". That gave me a lot of self-confidence issues as I got older, and I became obsessed with what everyone thought about me. Now is an important time in your teen's development to send a positive message about individuality, and self-expression." So for those parents out there that are worried about your kids - it's okay to be but please support them in what they are interested in. You'll be helping them in the long run.
