Growing apart from someone you love can be one of the most confusing times of your life. Doubt, heartache, and memories plague the space in your heart that once had that special person's name on it, and an endless stream of questions and "what-ifs" play on a loop in your mind. You can find yourself wondering what went wrong or what you could have done to change the outcome, to reverse the heartache. But it is okay.
It is okay to grow apart in relationships, or after they end. We are still maturing, figuring out who we are, who we want to be, and what we value most. Who you are today is most likely not the person that you were when you began your relationship. And that is okay. People change, and so do relationships. Ideally, we want to find ourselves with someone who grows with us, accepts us for who we are in this moment, and still pushes us to be the best version of ourselves. If you find that the two of you are growing, but your paths are straying farther and farther from each other, that is okay as well. The next best loving thing to do is allow yourself and your significant other to continue that growth, even if it means that it is apart.
It is okay if things just get too hard. Relationships are not easy, and unfortunately they are only going to become more difficult as we age. Every couple fights, it is inevitable, but if you find you are fighting more than you are laughing, it may be time to reevaluate. Love shouldn't hurt. Love shouldn't make you miserable- and if it is, it may just be too hard to love the other person at the expense of your own happiness. It is okay if the relationship becomes too hard, respect your own happiness enough to give yourself your best chance, even if it means growing apart.
It is okay to be selfish. Being selfish in relationships tends to come with negative connotations; however there is a difference between making the relationship all about you, and valuing your happiness at the same level as your significant other's. Romantic comedies and young adult fiction has taught us that love is putting the other person's needs before your own; however we need to know that you should not do that at the expense of your own needs. If you are unhappy in a relationship, growing apart, or feel like you need to be alone, it is okay to put yourself first.
We grow up, we grow apart. And it is okay. Put your happiness first.
