Here's What Would Happen if "The Purge" Was Real
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Here's What Would Happen if "The Purge" Was Real

Spoiler Alert: A lot of wine theft.

7951
Here's What Would Happen if "The Purge" Was Real
ournightlife.com

If you don't know already, "The Purge" is a movie franchise surrounding some sort of future America where the government has been reorganized and crime, poverty and unemployment rates are basically nonexistent, all thanks to one night a year where all crime, including murder, is legal. The new government thinks this purge allows Americans to release their pent up anger in a legal way. Spoiler alert: the series of movies reveals a day of legal murder is the government's way of cutting budget costs on welfare programs and is actually super shady. (Who knew?) Anyways, here's the trailer for the most recent installment, which features a lot of fake blood. Enjoy.


While "The Purge" is a really interesting concept, it's totally full of plot holes. After watching not one but three of these films, I had a lot of questions. What happens in jail? What happens in hospitals? I need answers, people. Since "The Purge" is fictitious, most of the scenarios seen in the movie probably wouldn't happen in real life... Here is what I imagine would actually happen if "The Purge" was real.

The Purge: Barred Out

A bunch of bored moms bands together on Purge Night to steal lifetime supplies of Xanax from their local drugstore. They all take way too many and forget to bring their kids to their city league soccer games the next day. Nobody gets to eat orange slices at halftime.

The Purge: Throw What you Know

Sorority girls release their anger by hitting up their local liquor store and loading as many Barefoot Pinot Grigio double bottles as they can into their white Range Rovers before blacking out on the dance floor and throwing up at their annual "Purge Night" formal. Nobody gets sent to standards.

The Purge: The Musical

Thousands of people open fake credit cards to sign up for Spotify Premium accounts but are justified because honestly, those ads should be illegal.

The Purge: Who do you Know Here

Frat guys pregame too hard and end up passing out, sleeping through the entire Purge. No one is surprised.

The Purge: We're All in This Together

Teen girls capture the original cast of "High School Musical" and force them to sign contracts agreeing to do "HSM 4" at gunpoint. The movie is a huge hit. The teen girls are presented with Congressional Medals of Honor.

The Purge: Go Nuts

Every year, the Nutella factory is completely looted. Nutella goes out of business because they can't keep up with stock demands after each annual Purge, ruining Americans' only source of happiness.

Watching "The Purge: Election Year" must have swayed my own moral compass, because after watching a solid two hours of blood and gore, my friends and I decided it would be a great idea to walk out of our theater and into the one next to it, which was conveniently showing "The Secret Life of Pets." We all felt like terrible human beings for not paying and decided we would never survive an actual Purge.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

How I Celebrate Valentine's Day

Every person, every couple celebrates Valentines in different ways, but there are a few things to keep in mind.

1300
How I Celebrate Valentine's Day
https://stokpic.com/project/love-heart-art-on-urban-street/

Ah, Valentines Day, a day of excitement for some and heart break for many. There are three kinds of people on Valentine's Day: the ones who make it a big deal, a little deal, and those who are single, but Valentine's Day can be fun for anyone if you have the right spirit in mind.

Keep Reading... Show less
Warner Bros. Television

1. You don't have to feel guilty about flirting with customers for tips (or just for shits and giggles).

2. You can be obnoxiously flirtatious with anyone you want. You are free to be that girl that flirts with everybody and makes 'em all smile (it's especially fun when the guy is as cute as Collin Jost). No shame.

3. Making random men nervous with your superior beauty and intense eye contact just for the hell of it is really amusing and empowering.

4. No one gives two poops if ya legs are hairy (your man shouldn't either but *Kermit the Frog meme* That's none of my business)

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Black History Month? Try Black History Year

What does Black History Month mean to you?

1718
madamenoire

African Americans have done so much and will forever be remembered for their accomplishments. In my opinion, there is no such thing as Black History Month. All year, we should celebrate the amazing poetry, music, inventions, and accomplishments that has surfaced over the last 100 years. Let's take a look...

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

A TikTok Ban? Nope, That's Not Happening

We've seen this movie before with the popular social media app.

4677
tiktok

Here we go again. There's a groundswell of support to ban TikTok in the United States.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Check out what's trending on Odyssey!

4794
writing on a page with a hand holding a pen as if the person is beginning to write something
c1.staticflickr.com

Looking for some inspiration to kick off your Monday? Check out these articles by our talented team of response writers! From poetry to tips for manifesting your dream life, there's something for everyone.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments