In our fallen world, hard times are inevitable. Breakups, divorces, injuries, deaths, firings, job losses, and other tragedies happen every day—and there is no way around this. Times like these provide one reason why God has given us one another, and it is important to be able to properly care for one another.

Romans 15:1: “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.”

Fellowship is so important, through the good times and the bad. No one is perfect; we will all fail and we will all be weak at times. This is why we are meant to have the body of Christ to lean on in these times to encourage us and build us up. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

There are several good things you can do to help one another in times of grief. There are also some critical, yet commonly made, mistakes that people make when supporting a loved one in these times of need. Here are a few of them to avoid:

Don’t say you’re praying for them if you’re not going to actually pray.

I can’t tell you how much this bothers me. James 5:16 says, “the prayer of a righteous person has great power,” and this is why it bothers me so much when people take away from that great power. When you tell someone you are praying for them, you are taking on a responsibility to actually pray for them. When you don’t follow through on your word, you are betraying their trust and the comfort you offered to them has become null and void.

Don’t tell them everything is okay.

It’s obviously not okay for them in that moment, and God doesn’t expect us to pretend everything is fine and dandy when we face trials. John 11:35 says so itself that, “Jesus wept.” It is okay to have emotions, and the right to express those emotions shouldn’t be taken away from those who are grieving. God never once tells us that we have to have it all together all the time or that there is something wrong with being heartbroken. Christ Jesus himself said that those who mourn are blessed because they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4).

Don’t tell them how it could be worse.

I can’t express this enough. Don’t tell them how you, or other people, are going through so much worse or how what they are going through isn’t that bad. That will only belittle their feelings and discourage them from going to you or others for solace. Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God is close to us, so He understands our problems—no matter how big or small they seem compared to someone else’s problems. He wants us to cast all of our cares on Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Since we as Christians aspire to love like God does, we should also feel the same compassion that God does when someone we love is mourning.

After all this instruction of what not to do, allow me to leave you with this final encouragement when it comes to helping one another through hard times of pain and grieving:

The best thing you can do is simply be there for them.

Whether that means letting them weep and mourn and you weeping and mourning along with them, or if that means buying them ice cream and coffee, or distracting them by watching a movie with them, or just talking it out with them, do that. Be there for them, and share in their pain, whatever that means for them.

Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”