Hey there old man,
It’s certainly been a long while since we talked. It's hard to believe it's going on ten years. I was so young when you left; I don't think I fully understood what was going on, but I surely will never forget that day. It is forever embedded in my mind. I recall small details from the time of your diagnosis to the time you went to your true home, it's all a little fuzzy for me.
Some days I really miss you and others I only think of you a little, those days I feel bad for not thinking of you more. I slowly feel that I’m forgetting your voice, how you smell and the way you do things. I guess that is a process of dealing with grief and getting over the death of a loved one. One thing I will never forget though is looking over at you right when you took your last breath. I will forever keep in mind that physical my Papaw was still there, but in every other way the disease had taken you over. Even though those thoughts are in my head, that is not how I let myself remember you.
Every time I see a semi truck I think of you. Smell cigarettes, I think of you. Go to the race track, I think of you. I see a motorcycle, I think of you. When I see a Big Red -- yep you guessed it, I think of you. They are just little things throughout my everyday life that bring you back to me in a sense. Sadly Christmas, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day brings a trail of somber memories, but like I said before I try not to think of you that way.
You were my rock, my best friend and my go to to get what I wanted. You weren’t always there because the hours you worked but I knew in my heart that my Papaw, was my best buddy. I wish you were here to see all of things that I have down since I was that little fifth-grade girl, but deep down I know you are watching over me. I’ve missed you every day since you left, and I will miss you until my last breath.
There are so many more things I want to say to you, but it's hard to put it all into words. Don’t worry we will talk again soon, I just wanted you to know that after all these years you still hold a warm spot in my heart.
I love you Papaw, and until next time; love,
Pooh
