Tech week. If you ever hear someone who has done, currently doing, or is planning to do theatre say this phrase, then I only have one piece of advice for you: run. No, actually don’t do that. That person mostly likely needs someone sane in their life at the moment.

Tech week, also known as hell week, is the period of time when anyone involved with theatre dies.

A show generally opens on a Thursday or Friday. So, starting on the previous Sunday, there is the beginning of chain reaction. This reaction results with tired, cranky cast and crew of said production from Sunday (around noon) until the close of the show. However, I’m going to give you a few tips on how to deal with these people during hell week.

Step One

Learn to Listen

Your friend (the one sucked into this ever spinning playground for multiple hours on end everyday) will want someone to vent to. By now, they are completely sick of the show and want nothing more to do with it. The songs all sound alike and they will never laugh at the jokes again. The cast are all immature children and their voices are annoying. The leading lady is a diva. The leading male just wants to get in her pants. Nothing you say or do can or will change this. Listen, nod, agree completely and you will be given the privilege to live.

Step Two

Try to Understand

Do not be mad when they can’t/don’t desire to hand out with you. This is nothing against you. They are just physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. They need and want sleep. Entertaining a crowd for nearly two hours is very tiring. Do not downgrade their exhaustion. This still stands even if they are only on stage for a couple of scenes. You have no idea what they have been roped into backstage between their scenes.

Step Three

Attempt to Soothe the Beast

Food. Food is always a great bribe. Do not come right out and say they are acting irrational (even though sometimes this is the case). Slip their favorite candy bar into their rehearsal bag. Make sure it’s something that would go bad, melt, spill, leak, or anything else that may cause any sort of other distress or problems. They have enough as it is. Just attempt to make their lives a little easier for this week. The sight of a snack that they didn’t know they had in their bag in the middle of the second act when they’re starving is a miracle. I’m not kidding.

They will survive. You will get your friend back at the end of this experience, just wait it out. Follow the steps listed above and you’ll be alright.