Imagine waking up one morning feeling like something bad is going to happen that day. You set about getting ready for the day as normal, but the darkness is still lingering in the back of your mind.
You meet up with your friend or significant other because you have a fun day planned. You're excited, but the thought of getting in a car accident on the way to your destination immediately clouds your mind. Or the idea that wherever you're going may be the location of the next mass shooting.
"What's wrong?" They ask, as your once happy demeanor has gone a bit pale.
You respond that you're fine. Absolutely nothing is wrong.
In reality, you have this uncomfortable feeling that something is going to go terribly wrong. On top of that, you're thinking about the test you took last week because if you didn't do well on it then you're definitely going to fail out of college, even though you have good grades. And that weird bump you found on your leg the other day must be cancerous and that'll surely be your demise…if the car accident doesn't get you first.
Also, next week you're going to be at the apartment alone and the fear that you're going to get taken or murdered is a strong possibility. You also have this feeling, that you can't quite explain, but you're sure all of your friends constantly judge you because you're just the loser they tolerate.
But you say that you're fine because the last time you told them what was on your mind they gave you an eye roll or tried to explain away all your anxieties.
The day has barely started and you're already exhausted. Not only that, but you've become one irritable person because all these irrational fears you can't get rid of are attacking you and chipping away at the person you know you truly are if it wasn't for this damn mental illness.
Anxiety is a merciless mental disorder.
You don't get a break or a second for a breath of fresh air. The feeling of constantly convincing yourself that something out of your control and terrible is going to happen never goes away.
What's worse is you feel like you're completely in it alone.
Anytime you share one of your fears with someone they either tell you that you're being ridiculous or they try to reason away your anxiety and get frustrated with you when it doesn't work.
PSA: Trying to give someone a list of reasons about why their fear is extremely unlikely to come true, does NOT do a single helpful thing. Anxiety is a mental illness. If it could be "talked away" we would all have had our issues resolved at birth.
Better yet, you try to warn someone that you have anxiety so they don't come to the conclusion that you're crazy and you get hit with, "Well everyone has anxiety."
Aside from being absolutely false because no, not everyone battles with it to this extent every day, this phrase is hurtful and makes you bottle up whatever fears you have because that person has just successfully made you feel like there must be something wrong with you, since "everyone" has it and you're just a bit extra.
If you live with this constant, internal battle between your anxiety and your desire to feel "normal", just know I see you, I understand you, you're not crazy, and you're not alone.
The range of fears people with anxiety face is endless.
Yes. Everyone has these thoughts cross their mind from time to time, but not everyone will understand what it's like to become a slave to these thoughts when they dominate your mind. They will never understand what it's like to sit alone, battling with your thoughts, trying to reason them away yourself, just to be defeated time and time again.
Being around someone who doesn't have anxiety is a challenge for both parties.
At the beginning of my relationship, my boyfriend and I had struggles almost daily. I would be unreasonably nervous about something, he would tell me why I shouldn't be, it wouldn't change the way I felt, he would get annoyed, then I would get frustrated…you can see where this is going.
The day he decided to help me prepare for a math test (I am a hopeless cause with math) and it ended with me holding my legs, rocking back and forth, bawling on his bed, I think was the day he realized that my fears are far more than just thoughts I have, but feelings I have no control over.
He has been my biggest supporter with anxiety ever since. I can tell him all of my "ridiculous" fears and he just listens and comforts me. He doesn't discredit my feelings.
This is something everyone who knows someone who suffers from anxiety should master.
You can see a therapist. You can get a prescription. Both help, but anxiety is that demon that never fully leaves.
Give a little extra love to those you know who struggle with anxiety. Life can be exhausting and draining when you just want to live your life not being followed around with the pessimistic thoughts living in your head.
At the very least, do NOT discredit their fears.
You can be in a room full of people who love you and still feel like you're alone in a dark room.
Anxiety is an enemy that is easier to take down with an army, not a single soldier.
