Since I was a young girl in my youth group it was always pounded, drilled, and ingrained into my mind that losing my innocence was the greatest and worst mistake I could ever make. I was always taught that my innocence was the greatest and best gift I could give to my husband and that being pure was necessary to my well-being. I was told so much about how important it was that I was terrified of what anyone would think of me if I were to lose my virginity before marriage. Granted all of the above is true, your innocence is important, it is special, and it is a wonderful gift for your future husband. But what about the girl who messed up? The girl that has already overstepped that line?
It is okay, homegirl.
I don't know the circumstances behind how or when it happened, but I know what it is like to be so afraid to let anyone know what happened because of the shame you feel. I know the immense guilt you feel when your youth pastor preaches yet another purity message shaming sex outside of marriage, and all you can think is, "I am such a screw-up. No man of God will ever want me now. I'm all used up."
I am here to tell you to shut those voices up right now. Growing up in a Baptist church has caused this stigma to form in both my head and my friends' heads that once it has been done, it's over, give it up, people who don't wait til marriage are trash. But that could not be any farther from the truth. I don't know about you, but I serve a God of compassion, mercy, love, goodness, fatherly wisdom, and all around FORGIVENESS.
I have had the argument in my head over and over that I am worthless because of a mistake I made, but I am indeed NOT the sum of my mistakes. I am a child of God, and every child has to learn some lessons the hard way.
Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is to listen to your virgin friends talk about other girls' choices and shame them for doing the exact thing that you did, and it makes a little piece of you want to just die inside. All you can think is, "Why was I so stupid?".
Or maybe you're on the other side of the spectrum, and losing your innocence wasn't your choice. I am so sorry and deeply hurt for you, I really am. I cannot imagine the pain that must be associated with that. Especially when the preacher talks about how awesome purity is, and you wish you had a say in whether or not you remained innocent. Trust me, girl, God is still writing your story, and it is going to be AWESOME.
I want to share some scripture with you that has helped me along in my struggle of redemption, and recovery from some dumb decisions;
Psalm 25:7 - "Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O Lord."
Colossians 1:21-22 - "And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled. In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight."
I say all of this to tell you that you are forgiven, so long as you ask of it from the Lord. He is waiting for you! He loves you, and He can't wait to show you His redemptive love and mercy. Jesus already fought and won the battle for you on the cross. Do not wallow in your shame and hurt, but call on Jesus to heal your heart, and help you continue on. Just because you've screwed up, doesn't make you a screw up. You made a mistake, you are not a mistake yourself. And to the girl who didn't get a say, God loves you, and He has a plan. Your story is going to be so amazing.
So, to the girl who didn't wait, there is healing, there is hope, and there is a Holy God who loves you just waiting for you to accept them.
With Love,
A Girl Who Didn't Wait.
