Heartbreak. It's a strange thing. I always wondered: was it coined “heartbreak" because of the physical ache that one feels in their chest after being “heartbroken?" You don't always know how to act towards the ex either. Should you be polite, dismissive, angry, kind? You play scenarios over and over in your head, but it never goes quite the way you wanted. You always end up feeling that familiar ache far too deep in your chest and a little breathless.

For the next couple of days, your brain is playing every detail on repeat and your feelings towards the occurrence change every hour or so. Falling in love throws you off balance. You are suddenly free falling through space and at first, it is exhilarating. Too suddenly, you are no longer falling, but hurtling and spiraling. All control is lost and you hit the ground. Heartbreak.

There are a plethora of songs that are way too relatable. Amy Winehouse's “Wake Up Alone" that preaches about staying busy during the day only to let the pain catch up at night is all too real. I've become perplexed with the subject of loving someone during your twenties. I believe whole-heartedly in living in the moment and that means allowing yourself to fall when the opportunity arises. I also believe that there is a lesson to be learned from everyone and you have to be aware and willing to learn. Unfortunately, I also know that you need to be 100% certain about who you are before you can date. You need to establish your morals, your beliefs, your security and confidence in yourself. I believe this because I haven't done this yet.

The two times that I've fallen in love I was consumed. I spiraled and lost sight of who I want to be. I was insecure and at times; I acted ways that I truly regret. It seems that everyone tells me that I need to take a year off from dating and focus on myself. In some ways, I agree. I want to focus on myself so that I can be mentally prepared for that third spiral. However, the universal problem I've come to recognize in humanity is having to choose between what you know is right or wrong and what you want. Where is the line drawn? If the guy that made me spiral out of control came back, would I sacrifice what I want with my heart for what I want for my mental wellbeing?

I don't believe that there will ever be a right answer. I've thought about this for a while now. People on the outside looking in will either say you need to respect yourself and do what is right for you or they will encourage you to take a second chance and be aware that this is another opportunity to learn. Everyone says, “With time, it will fade." So everyone believes that if you remove yourself from the life of someone that you love, you will eventually stop loving them. If it is that simple, then what the hell is love any way? Every day I become more confused on the subject of loving someone in your twenties.

I don't have an answer on whether it is right to live in the moment and love as much as you can or to listen to the advice of those around you and exclusively date yourself for a while. Knowing me, I would follow my heart. Love is rare and I was lucky enough to find it. I would like to let everyone know that whichever choice you make, don't accept judgement. If your decision ends up being a mistake, so what? It happens; no one is perfect. People should respect others for the decisions they make whether they agree or not. Love, and moreover life, is not black and white. Life is colorful and should be lived that way. So live the life that brings you color, whatever that entails.