Love and grief are a packaged deal
Inevitably, if we haven't already, we all will lose something or someone in our lives. Whether it's a loss of a loved one, breakup, or maybe it's not being able to participate in a sport you once loved, it is human nature for us to grieve.
Astonishing transformations though, occur through these times of heartbreak and beauty that you may not have expected. That is what happened to me and I try to focus on the good during bad times. It might sound strange that someone will say that there is beauty in grieving because if you have been through it, you know it's draining. It is something we all want to avoid because that means we have lost something but it necessary at one point or another.
Grieving means growing
We grieve when we lose something or someone special to us. There are 5 stages of grief and it can take up our whole body, mind, and affect our day-to-day life. There is no time limit for how long it will last. It could be months, days, weeks, or even years and each individual has their own experience with it.
Whenever I feel like I’m going to have a certain feeling forever, I always remind myself that with time things get better. It’s the worse and best advice anyone can give. A year ago today, if someone told you what your life will be like, odds are you probably won't believe them. Everything is constantly changing and the best things are unexpected. The worst times in your life can bring the best out of you.
You grow in ways you may have never thought. Some of the worst and unbearable situations in your life may transform you into the person you always dreamed of being.
Life is unpredictable
Life is unpredictable and we don't know what tomorrow may bring. Going through periods of grief I have learned that tomorrow is not guaranteed for everyone. Think twice before you speak to someone because you don't want your last words to end with an argument or petty response with someone you love.
The heartbreak of grief can be unbearable.
Grieving surfaces the many things you have been pushing to the side and avoiding to deal with. It surfaces all of the shadows in your head and forces you to deal with it even if you don’t feel like it.
It’s healthy to grieve, it’s not weak. It means you cared for something enough to mourn its loss.
You question your own sense of self and the things you would have done differently. Grieving molds your brain and sub-conscious to change our actions for different situations that may to come. You begin to re-evaluate what’s important to you and what you say before you actually say it.
More awareness for yourself and others
Through seasons of grieving, you will be able to recognize the people who will be there for you. You don’t want people in your life seasonally but people who will be a shoulder to lean on no matter the weather and what kind of storms that weather may bring. You want the people who will see you at your lowest lows and still love you full heartedly and to do the same for them.
The beauty of friendship surfaces during grief.
There’s not much to say to someone who is grieving. When I lost my father at the young age of 14, I did not have any words for myself. My mind was thoughtless and my emotions were dull, I was simply not engaged and at a standstill. I couldn’t remember the last words I had with him and I would replay all the moments in my head that I wish I did differently and all the phone calls I didn't make.
Though, I always knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I was going to come out stronger than ever. Strong enough to hold the weight of myself and strong enough to take the weight off of others.
When I lost my Dad or anything that was a part of my heart it was hard to not dwell and feel sorry for myself. I would find myself replaying moments in my head and then thinking of the way I would have handled it knowing what I know now. There comes a point though that we can’t grieve forever and we must be able to differentiate between grieving and dwelling. Don't get stuck in this and adopt healthy ways to cope with grief.
Grieving has always been a time for self-reflection and it enables me to care more and be more attentive to the relationships in my life.
Turn to loss instead of running away from it.
