Being a Christian can be tough, especially when attending a secular university. I read once, that nearly seventy percent of students abandon their faith when they go to college. "No way." I thought. "I mean, I'm sure going to a secular college can be hard, but kids just abandon their faith like that? Maybe other people, but not me."
Though I've never fully abandoned my faith, I have definitely felt it dwindle. When it comes to your faith, college really puts your beliefs and priorities to the test.
Recently, I have had a difficult time making quality friends, and on more than one occasion I've thought to myself, "I'm sure it would be a lot easier to make friends if I were the partying/drinking type." But truth be told, I've never been to a party. Actually, I've never even been invited to a party. And for the longest time this made me incredibly sad. All I see on social media is all my other acquaintances going to parties in risque outfits, drinking and having a blast with their new friends, and I think to myself, "Maybe I'm just not "cool" enough? What am I doing wrong?"
This kind of thinking has plagued me for the past couple of months. But on Friday, I hopped in my car to head home from class and had the sudden urge to listen to my Christian Hits playlist, something I haven't done in months, and I cried. Not a cute cry either. The kind of ballistic cry where I turned my music up so loud the car shook, and had to scream the lyrics just to hear myself with tears running down my face. And in that moment, I came to some realizations.
First and foremost, I had put my faith on the back-burner. I had been neglecting the most important aspect of my life that my soul had so obviously been craving for. Why do I neglect my faith, when my life is so much better when I embrace it?
Secondly, what do I what my life to say? When people hear my name, or see how I live, what is the message I want to send? Sure, I could compromise my values to gain friends or popularity, but is that how I want people to see me? Or Christians in general? Absolutely not.
I want my life to portray what it means to be a devout woman of God. I want to let God's love shine out of me like sunshine rays and make people stop and say "Wow. What an amazing and gracious God she must serve. I want to experience a love like that." I want my life to be mirror God's great love, and be an empty page for him to write his story on. "I want my history to be his legacy".
So when it comes right down to it, it's a simple question of my motives and priorities. I could be the life of the party, but is that really what I want? If making friends means compromising my values, and sending mixed messages about what it means to be a Christian, then I don't want anything to do with it. Because at the end of the line, what matters most to me isn't how many friends I had, or how popular I was, but how I gave God my whole life, and let him live out his purpose through me.
