Family is a major institution in our society, and we are conditioned to have certain ideas about what a family should be. Society tends to tell us that fathers work full time while mothers do housework and take care of the children. In many family situations, both parents work at least part-time, but it seems abnormal when the mother is the only one who works in a two parent household. That’s why the term “stay-at-home mom” is so common, while “stay-at-home dad” sounds a bit strange. To understand why we typically associate fathers with careers and mothers with homemaking, we would have to examine the roots of the gender roles that govern what men and women are “allowed” or “expected” to do. I think that in our culture in the United States, gender roles are definitely changing. Deviations from those roles, such as a father who does not work and takes care of the children, are not as uncommon as they once were. According to the Pew Research Center, in 2012 fathers made up 16 percent of parents in the United States who primarily care for the family, compared with 10 percent in 1989. Obviously this is not a huge percentage, but it does seem to imply that there are more fathers are staying at home than there used to be. Still, I believe that there are noticeably fewer stay-at-home dads than moms due our pre-conceived notions about the way a family should be. It is important for us to learn that these notions are a result of our culture, and are in many ways meaningless.
The family life that you grow up with has an incredible influence on your values and how you view the world. I grew up in wonderful, loving environment as an only child. I have experienced a rather normal upbringing other than the fact that I have a stay-at-home dad. I have never been certain about whether or not my dad intended to take on the role of homemaker in my family, but that’s the way things worked out, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Before I was born, both of my parents worked. Then, when I was born my mom took her maternity leave before returning to working full time as a school administrator. My mom has a higher level of education than my dad, and a career that provides very well for our family. Because of this, it’s completely logical that my dad would stay home while my mom continued to work. Of course my parents could have hired a babysitter, but it was not necessary, and I am forever thankful that I had a parent around at home when I was young. My dad took full responsibility for caring for me, as he picked me up from school and drove me to practices, and also made sure our home was well-kept. He did the best thing he could’ve done as my father, and his gender should not make a difference.
My dad told me once that someone questioned what he did for a living, and he simply replied “I’m a dad.” That individual was puzzled and asked again, “Yeah, but what do you do?” To this my dad gave the same reply without hesitation. It is expected that the man of a household is to be the provider for his family, because this is typically viewed as masculine. My dad could have made something up about a career to avoid the awkwardness, but instead he stayed true to himself. It makes me happy that my dad was proud to just be my dad, regardless of how others may feel about it. When I was younger there were a few awkward times at school where all the other kids would talk about what their fathers’ careers were, and even what their mothers did if both parents worked. I was somewhat the odd one out in most of these situations. I feel that as my father’s daughter, I have always tried to make it clear to others that I am proud of what he does for me and I that am happy we have a close relationship because that is the truth. Having a working mother and a stay at home dad did not hinder my upbringing at all. I think there is evidence for this in the fact that I have always done well in school and continue to do well in college, and that I am able to maintain the responsibilities and relationships that I have.
I don’t feel that the institution of family is disturbed in any way by the reversal of stereotypical gender and/or family roles. Having a stay-at-home dad is not a disadvantage to me in any way. No matter what each member does to contribute to a family, it is still a family. Unless there is a much more tragic or complicated home life situation happening, it shouldn’t matter that a mother works full time and the father is a homemaker. Both of those responsibilities are taken care of, they are just reversed from what society typically says is correct. The same argument holds for families with same-sex parents or single parent families. Regardless of what roles each member of the family is playing, the family still functions as a support system for everyone involved.
Despite the structure of my family and what each member contributes, my parents gave me the best life they possibly could have given me. The environment that I grew up in taught me valuable lessons about society and family. I value my family as a support system that will always be there for me, no matter what. Society’s expectations do not have to dictate the roles that people take on, because my family functions just as well as anyone else’s. I have learned that perhaps there is not a whole lot of truth to the expectations that our society has about the roles each gender is expected to play in families. Moving forward I feel that this will help me to question why we have certain expectations for the genders in other aspects of society. Differences from societal norms are not always bad, and I hope that my experience will help me to open the eyes of others to that fact. Having a stay-at-home dad is something I am proud of, and should not be considered weird. I know that most stay-at-home dads and their children probably understand this already, but I hope that the rest of our culture can learn to appreciate this.
