So here's the situation. Lately I’ve been having trouble trying to figure out what to write about, even just in my own time. But I always somehow seem to come back to the notion that I write what I know. And what I know is unfortunately a lot of pain. So here it is, just some more of my pain.

If you keep up with my articles at all you’ll know I wrote one a few weeks back about some trouble I’ve been having concerning mental health. And well, I told my family that I wouldn’t tell anyone but them and some close friends, but them in the car the other day my Dad told me something that always sticks with me. “Well, that’s you business”, he said. And it is, it’s my business to tell who, and to not tell who I want. And well frankly, I know telling the world what’s going on with me will do at least two things: cause people to laugh at me, and cause people to feel sorry for me. While I appreciate the later, none of that is really what I want. What I want is for someone else, anywhere, to read this and know that they too can be strong. So here it is, here is my truth.

Hello, my name is Maya Jeanne Rothman, and I have Schizoaffective Disorder, depressive type. Finally, at least for me, all the nights that I’ve spent tossing and turning afraid to look at the empty spaces in the room or out the window because I was afraid something was going to pop up and scare me have a name, and a reason. In the last week I’ve started a new dose of a medication that has been working. I’m tearing up while I say this because nothing has ever made me feel so content before; knowing that I can get better makes me feel safe again for the first time in so long. In the last week I’ve gone out of the house past the mailbox glued to the front of the house. I’ve socialized with people that I care about, I’ve met new people and not hated them, said hello to old friends, and have looked forward to school again. I’m not just surviving what I have, but I’m starting to thrive again.

What having this particular disorder means is, in simple terms, that I have auditory and visual hallucinations, as well as major depression. I also have severe anxiety which is sometimes associated with the disorder. I recently took a very long, extremely comprehensive test that determined my status as such with some other things that I already knew I had, such as trouble with spelling, reading, and math.

Again, I don’t mean to bring up sad topics, especially not during this time of year. But I write what I know, and this is what I know. So thank you, if you read all the way through, it truly does mean the world to me. And thank you to anyone that has ever not shied away from me when I was or am in a down hill. Those people are the ones I call my friends. And I’d especially like to thank my family, for just being my family. Thank you for blessing me with an actual circle of everlasting love that I will always cherish.

And thank you, just for listening in a girl’s time of need.