I would like to think that everyone gets to a point in their life where they hate what they allow themselves to feel. It got worse for me when I started my first year of college. Everyone I see now is literally heartless––I've witnessed it.

I've seen a girl dodge a guy she told she was with friends, to go chill with another guy. I've seen marriages end without second thoughts.

I've seen a guy completely all over a girl––I'm talking whole nine yards. Even, I love you's––separate from her and proudly say to his pact "I don't care about her. She is not my girl."

I've seen people lie about spending Valentine's Day with their grandma to one person to spend it with the other. I've seen people lie through just about any situation you can think of.

I've seen people completely ignore a person who doesn't fit the image they are trying to maintain. I've seen people turn their noses up at the homeless and as if that's not enough they hide their children's eyes too. I've been with friends who separate and completely drag each other. And I don't know why people choose to vent about how they really feel––or lack feelings if you ask me––to me. Maybe it's because they know I would never tell, but how do they know? I could tell as soon as I get ready. But I know I won't.

I've seen children tell their mothers words I wouldn't tell a soul. I've had people tell me words I wouldn't tell a soul, but why?

I always wondered why. To be completely honest, I still wonder. That wonder usually turns into frustration because I don't understand why am I not like them?

Why is it when someone does something wrong to me I end up apologizing for making them feel bad.

How come I let people grow before I judge them? Can I not just judge people as they are? I honestly see no wrong in people I care about, only bad decisions that can be fixed. Does that make me a bad person?

I'm just realizing that it doesn't, thanks to God. It's honestly not a joke that your first year of college will test your faith. This summer I found myself the furthest away from God I've been my whole life. I kept telling myself I'm not far from God, and I have time. Meanwhile wondering why I was so uncomfortable with the world around me.

Before it happened I was looking for fulfillment through my now ended relationship, through my family and even through my schoolwork. It wasn't until one night I decided I needed to get closer to God that things got better.

I felt like God strayed showing himself to me more too through people. People started to ask me when the last time you went to church was, what church do you go to, do you read your bible? Then my aunt woke up one day and decided we were going to church I was honestly thrilled. I had the best feelings within myself than what I had felt in a long time.

I'm starting to get into the swing of things now and I'm glad to say that I'm a different kind of person. I don't operate like other people and I love myself and my heart.