As a young Christian, I used to know for certain what my beliefs were. But as I navigate my way through this beautiful but scary journey that we call life, I have found myself contemplating and struggling with my beliefs and stances in my faith. To be quite honest, this struggle has caused me to start wandering off the path that has been set forth by my religion, and I have become lost with my uncertainty. Now I know it is normal for Christians to have questions, but what if it’s more than just questioning? What if it’s full on doubting? This doubt has caused a rough patch in my life that has swayed my decisions against my moral code. Like many others struggling to figure out what they believe in, the trial and error process has led to poor decision-making, but it has not turned me into a monster. I’ll admit, I have gone against God’s will for me, which I am not proud of, and even though I know He’s forgiving and loving I still feel like I can never be seen as good enough in His eyes.
Not to make excuses, but being a young adult in this day and age makes it hard to turn away from the temptation of today’s society. It makes it hard to truly know what is considered right and wrong in God’s eyes. A few examples of the social norm today that really stick out to me is having sex before marriage, having children out of wedlock, and using drugs and alcohol is no big deal. But it’s not only physical actions in a society that makes the guidelines of what is good and evil confusing. In society, it’s not seen as a huge issue to lie, cheat, deceive, manipulate, and be disrespectful, all of which are things that are against what the bible and the church say to do. Why is it suitable in today’s society to be selfish, self-centered, violent, and to look out only for one’s own self-interests? When did it become strange to be kind, caring, and thoughtful towards others? These are the real struggles in life and society today that has shaken the foundation of my faith and has sent me into so much questioning and doubt.
Through my trials and tribulations of trying to sort through these issues of questioning, I have been realizing some of the hardest lessons to learn. I’m learning that I have to let go and always forgive others, even when they are not sorry. This means that I should always forgive people, and I might have to accept an apology that you may never receive. By doing this, I am the one that is actually benefiting from the forgiveness because I’m freeing myself from the pain that someone has caused me. The next lesson is that I can’t let other people’s perceptions of me change my ideals or how I perceive myself. This means standing strong in what I believe in and not allowing others to turn me away from my beliefs. I’m learning that I have to lean on God, and trust in His will, instead of trying to be the independent person that I am by trying to do it all on my own. But the hardest lesson that I have been coming to terms with is that I need to ease up on myself. Yes, I have made bad decisions, and yes I have made mistakes that I am not proud of, but I’m also human and need to let it go. I need to release this resentment that I have for myself, and I need ultimately to forgive myself. It is easy to forget that you are your biggest critic and that God loves you no matter what. It is true that nobody is perfect, and there is no doubt that you will trip up and fall throughout your journey. But the comfort of this is that God is always there, even when you think He’s not, to help you get back up on your feet. So if you are struggling and having doubts like I have been doing, you never have to feel alone or feel like you are not good enough. He loved you so much that he made you in His own image, and in His words, He said, “I loved you at your darkest, at your most hopeless, at your rock bottom. I loved you at your worst.” Romans 5:8.
