School starts tomorrow for both of my younger sisters and as I sit here, in my college dorm room, I can't help but to reflect on the past 4 years of my high school experience. I wish someone had told me that high school was nothing like how Hollywood made it seemed. Sure, some high school parties are big and grand where everyone gets trashed and hooks up with people they never thought they would hook up with. But whatHollywood forgot to show is the constant anxiety, stressed-filled nights, how mean some of your classmates and teachers can be, and how much you wish you could just be graduated already. There were some parts of High School that I did like, but for most of it, i hated it and I couldn't wait to be graduated.

I went into freshmen year not knowing what to expect. I don't think anybody knows what to expect when you are transitioning into a new chapter of your life. I had made some friends from volleyball but I was still alone in most of my classes. I had spent the summer in trouble with my parents for a lot of different reasons that were so pointless that I cannot even remember now. I went through friends so fast freshmen year. By the end of freshmen year, I had realized that these people were not my friends and that they never were going to be my friends; I was right. I had only made one true friend in the four years that I went to high school and that friendship didn't really blossom until our senior year.

Sophomore year was a little better than Freshmen year: I was co-captain of the JV Volleyball, my grades were the best that they have ever been since the Fourth grade, i cut out some toxic people in my life but behind all the smiles and cute outfits, I started to develop a more mild case of anxiety and depression; I spent every night crying myself asleep. I was not overwhelmed with schoolwork or the fact that I still had no true friends. I started hearing voices in my head and they would tell me things and it resulted in me crying at night.

The summer between sophomore and junior year, I met my first love. He was so perfect in my eyes and of course I couldn't have him but I still found a way to see him. I snuck around my parent's back to see him and it worked for a while until school started back again.

Junior year was possibly the worst year of the four. Even though I was in love, I was still not happy. I went through some major life changes and embarked on this journey of self-discovery to find happiness and I ended up just feeling even more shittier and became the Queen of Self Hate and teenage angst. I did not do good that year except for English and American History. Those were probably the only things I looked forward to every day. I also started tennis that year and it helped take some of the angst and anxiety away but once the season ended, it came back and I was miserable.

Senior year was not that bad. I finally let go of some things but also my mental illness was still a big part of my year. With the stress of college applications, picking the right college for me, not disappointing my parents in my college decision or my grades, and the thought of graduating, senior year was a rollercoaster for sure. My friendship with my best friend blossomed even more as we grew closer to the time where we knew we had to depart and go our separate ways. I spent a lot of class time binge watching "Game Of Thrones and the X-Files" but I still somehow managed to pass all my classes with As and one high B. I graduated with a 4.35 GPA on June 11, 2016; that day was one of the happiest days of my life. I never imagined actually making it to walk across the stage and receive my diploma but I got it and I never have to go back to that school ever again.

I left out some pretty big events in a high schooler's time there. I was not into football at all so I skipped most of the Friday night football games (in my town, it is like a religion). I ended up getting a job with a family owned pizzeria and I worked there since my Junior year. I loved that job but it also helped my anxiety develop as we got more popular and the nights got more chaotic. My SAT and ACT scores were shit; I knew they were shit because I had never been a good test taker. I spent most of my weekends either reading or watching "Donnie Darko."

I am sitting here, writing this while in my dorm room on Skype with a friend and I can't help but to look back and see all the things I went through to get to this point in my life. Sure, college is not going to be as easy as high school and it will probably make things worse in my life but I am trying to be optimistic. I just want everyone who is still in high school to know that your SAT and ACT score do not define you. Your actions do not define you. Teachers' and other classmates' opinions of you do not define you. You define yourself.