All of us have experienced or will experience this at some point: someone we know, possibly even someone we care about, has taken an immense dislike to our very presence, and we have no idea why. It is an awful feeling. Here is what to do when this happens.
The first thing to do is to ask, “What did I do?” Do not beat yourself up--you might not be able to remember anything, but your memory, as well as your friend’s, is subjective. Think back further than the past few weeks and check if anything you said, did, or omitted could have been construed in a hurtful way. It also helps to ask those around you, like a shared friend group, if there was anything you thought was fine, but the other person could have interpreted as an insult. If this is the case, and even if it is not, try apologizing. These small words could melt a hardened heart. What he or she might be seeing as indifference or taunting is only you not knowing what is wrong.
However, an apology cannot solve everything. Maybe you deeply wounded this person. Maybe he or she naturally holds grudges, or maybe your friend is jealous of you. In the first and second cases, given time, the situation may change, or you might have to spend less time around this person. In the third case, your friend could feel threatened by some aspect of your life. Your continued success will be like a thorn in his or her side. This person’s insecurity is often manifested in petty ways: talking behind your back, purposefully ignoring you, excluding you, backhanding compliments, or straightforward insulting you. Your friend might seem overconfident to compensate for his or her lack of self-esteem.
As far as dealing with the situation, you can be careful not to brag or compare yourself to others, this person in particular. Discussing the challenging parts of your life with this person may help smooth your friendship, but be cautious. This person might realize you are not trying to show off and will relax, but it is possible that he or she could take your increased openness as an opportunity to gloat over your failures. If your friend is especially spiteful, he or she could use your challenges as fodder for gossip. Remember, you can always share something later, but you can never take back what has already been said, so exercise your best judgment.
If you have tried everything to reconcile with this person and he or she treats you with contempt, get as far away as possible! This person is no longer your friend. No matter the reason for the spiteful, bitter attitude, you do not need that kind of negativity in your life. You can always try to reconcile with him or her after a substantial amount of time, especially if there is a lot going on in this person’s life. Pray for them. Do not sink into anger, and definitely do not spend your time and mental energy worrying about this person or trying to fix his or her problems. Reach out to your support network to talk about the problem, but do not dwell on it. You have a hate-free life to live.
