I hate when you smile at me like that

I hate that it reminds me of how I could have chosen to not fall for you, then I could have enjoyed that smile forever, as friends

I hate that I was selfish and let you make me feel the things I did

I hate that now, that smile, what used to be my favorite, reminds me of something that will never be mine to come home to anymore

That smile leaves a sting on my cheek, as i’m slapped with the reality that someone else gets to fall asleep next to it

But that’s not the point

I say i’m happy for you, because I am. After all this, I still love you so much

They say to fight for what you want, and I would have fought for you with everything inside of me

But I don’t even know if you’d be willing to get in the ring with me at this point

I don’t blame you

We were best friends, and that made it easy

It made falling so easy because, after all these years, we could recite the curves of our bodies like it was our own name

But because of that, the fall was harder, further,

And I know it took a toll on both of us

I've never believed in giving up on something I wanted, but with you, I couldn't see the light at the end anymore

It’s almost comical how much we are the cliche of “right person at the wrong time”

I needed the comfort and safety of our friendship, you needed someone to hold you at night

The only difference was I could only find the comfort in you, while you could find what you needed in someone else when I wasn't there

So don’t send me those “I’m thinking about you texts” because they mean more to me than you will ever know

Don’t tell me I look beautiful when i’m out with my friends, you have no idea how much it takes to not think about you after that

Don’t leave comments on my social media accounts because it’ll always be more than a fleeting comment to me, you must know that

And when we see each other, whether it’s tomorrow, or a year from now, don’t smile at me like you know how to do

If you really love me, don’t smile at me, please

It’s easier for me to get up in the morning,

to stop looking for your face in a crowd of people,

to stop thinking about you every time someone asks me how you're doing,

or plays your favorite song,

or wants to hold me the way you used to

If you really love me you’ll never talk to me again, because as much as I wish the world for you, nothing kills me everyday like that smile I hate to love.