Maybe it's been on my mind lately because we're all just getting back from spring break, but sometimes it feels like I'm having the same conversations, with the same questions and answers, over and over again.
These are the conversations that go...
"Hey, how are you, how was your weekend?"
"How was your spring break? Oh nice, what did you do..."
"How are classes? When's your midterm for..."
Spoken with a smile and appearing to have everything together, we exchange summer plans and last weekend's party, never really getting to anything deeper than how stressed we are for our next exam. Most of the time, we don't remember much from the conversation and the hurried exchange is quickly forgotten. We'll see each other in the dining hall next week and probably have another routine conversation, never getting past generic dialogue about current events.
It's just another "acquaintance-friend," who you know well enough to say hi to and recall a few facts about them, but not close enough to share your weird obsession of meerkats with or to expose your hidden talent of freestyle rap. You might know that they are an Econ major or that they’re on the field hockey team, but you don't know how to make them laugh after failing an exam or how afraid they are of heights.
It isn't that these people are superficial, but rather small talk is an unfortunate consequence of the college environment: we're constantly meeting new people and always being so busy. While it is awesome to always have a new friend to talk to and have so many things going on, it's made me think about how impersonal it can all feel sometimes. It can feel impossible to get to know someone beyond formalities in a schedule that is always so full.
I really didn't understand small talk before coming to college. I didn't realize how often I would be left with predictable conversations with people that will never get past a five minute chat on the quad between classes or on the bus.
Prior to college, small talk simply wasn't a thing for me. My hometown had a graduating class of 150 and we had all known each other since kindergarten. We didn't have to make generic conversations about what we did last weekend because well, we probably were together. We never had to come up with different questions to ask about interests or hobbies or how their classes were, because we probably already knew the answers. Coming from a somewhat sheltered environment, I don't necessarily think our versions of conversation were 'better,' but they felt more meaningful. Don't get me wrong, I love college because of all the amazing people I have been able to meet, and crazy opportunities I have squeezed into my schedule, but I've noticed it doesn't come without the consequence of the infamous, yet frequent, small talk.
How do we get from the generic and impersonal modes of conversation to truly getting to know a person? Does it take asking some outlandish question beyond the scope of school or upcoming events?
I'm not suggesting we should try to have deep philosophical conversations between class and the gym, but maybe we need to be more vulnerable to showing our true self, rather than relying on a predictable script to lead us to a superficial friendship.
