I hate goodbyes.

I'm afraid things will never be the same.

Sometimes goodbye is for five minutes. Sometimes it's for five years. Sometimes it's forever. No matter the time span, it tends to hurt just the same. It doesn't get easier to say goodbye until that person becomes not as important to you or you move on from needing them in your life.

Yes, sometimes saying goodbye is needed. Sometimes people are toxic and letting go is the only way to help yourself. But other times, saying goodbye to someone you love breaks your heart. Not because you won't see them again, or because they'll hate you afterward, but because you want to spend most of your time with them.

You never know if this will be your last time seeing them. You never know if they'll suddenly disappear from your life. At least if you're with them, talking to them, you know everything is okay. You know they don't hate you. You know they're not questioning having you in their life. If they were, they wouldn't be there with you. You feel safe and secure in their presence.

But once the goodbye is spoken, all of your insecurities and anxious thoughts attack you. You start to think of all the possible things that could go wrong. You automatically think they're now going to be bored of you all of a sudden. At least that's what my mind thinks.

I understand people are busy and they have their own lives to live, but watching them go doesn't get any more enjoyable as time passes. If anything, it gets harder because by then you know what you're going to miss out on if they leave you permanently.

You know you'll miss their smile. The way they could make you laugh. You'll miss the conversations you once had. Watching the sunset. You'll miss the midnight walks. The crazy talks. You'll miss their presence in your life.

The kind of people who you actually thoroughly enjoy being around are really freaking hard to find. And if you were to lose these special people, you would feel like you lost yourself as well. They feed into your energy and mood which keeps you your happy-go-lucky self. But what if goodbye ends up being forever?

My absolute hardest goodbye was when my dog died two years ago at this time. I had him for 10 years since I was eight. He had been there for me when my "friends" weren't. I was never one to really make good friends. They all had some ulterior motive or felt pity for me. When I had a bad day, my dog would cuddle me when I cried. He always knew when something was wrong with me. He'd give me kisses and let me hold him until I felt better. He was my baby. I was absolutely devastated when he died my sophomore year of college. I hadn't been home very often to see him. This goodbye was heartbreaking.

Why do some things have to end in goodbye?

Rest in Peace, Baby Boy. I love you.