Many people would agree that the Trump/Clinton election has been one of the messiest they’ve ever seen. And many millennials are mourning the fact that this is the first presidential election they get to vote in and they can’t stomach either of the candidates. Clinton is a liar with a sketchy past. Trump is blatantly racist and as recently revealed, also a sexual predator. Hardly anyone is excited to vote, many people won’t admit to who they’re voting for, and almost everyone cringes at the thought of allowing either of them into the presidency.
But as American citizens, it’s our duty to vote, especially when it’s such a tight race.(Well, it was tight until the audios were released but hey, there’s still time for Clinton to mess up (again).)And you’re trying to be informed, watch the political debates, read all of the fact checking pages afterwards so that you really can make the very best decision. But it’s all just gotten so ugly. It’s coming down to who can have the quickest and snappiest comeback, who can damage control most effectively, and who can say the least stupid or insulting thing. It’s not about who’s the best for our country.It’s about who’s the least bad. Even if you’re not into politics, it’s clear that this isn’t how they’re supposed to be handled. And well, we’re screwed. Completely and utterly screwed.
So what are you supposed to do? Pick the lesser of two evils? Pretend it’s not happening and avoid the polls altogether? Hop the border to Canada? None of these options seem particularly appealing and none of them solve the problem. But fear not! There is a third option… and it’s not Gary Johnson. Ken Bone, people! Kenneth Bone, the man in the red sweater. The man who has the answer to all of our problems. The man who has captured the hearts of America with only 25 seconds of screen time, a mumbled question, and an undeniable sense of fashion. The man who will be the next president of the United States. He will fight ISIS, heal racial relations, address women’s rights, and bring safety and security back to our land.
Please, do not throw away your vote. Please, do not throw away your vote! He is just like this country. He’s here: happy, and huggy. And please, do not throw away your vote! He’s Mr. Kenneth Bone and he’s in the zone, prob’ly shouldn't brag but he’s got it in the bag, with that special red sweater, he will sweep the polls this November. He’s the king of memes, a brilliant man, tryna’ take a stand so give him a hand! And please, do not throw away your vote!