I started grad school a few weeks ago. To say I was nervous is an understatement. I was super anxious to go back to school. But not for the reasons you might expect.
It wasn't the actual course work and classes that had me so nervous. It was all the outside factors that accompany going back to school that scared me.
I finished my bachelors degree in December 2014, so it had been awhile since I had been in school. I had gotten used to coming home from work and doing what I wanted to do. I could binge watch "Lost" with my boyfriend, Zach. I could go out to eat with friends. We could go to a concert. I had time to do whatever I wanted. I was not worried about homework or deadlines or taking tests. I had freedom.
I also completed the last few semesters of my undergrad online. Before this semester, I hadn't physically gone to class in about 4 years. I was so nervous about this. I'm pretty shy around people I do not know, so speaking up in class is sometimes hard for me.
I made it seven days into my first semester of grad school before I had my first breakdown.
That night after dinner, Zach asked me if I was okay. Well, I wasn't. I shook my head no and started crying. I felt overwhelmed with all the changes that were happening. I felt like I wasn't in control of my time and that I was putting school before our relationship. Zach hugged me and told me not to worry. He assured me that he was fine and that I wasn't ignoring him. He said that in a few days I would get the hang of it, that he knows I can handle it, and that I will be amazing in my classes. He told me that before I know it, the semester will be over. I knew I had his support the whole time, but hearing some reassurance out loud when I was struggling made a difference.
And he was right. I feel better about it all now. I have figured out a routine and schedule that works. I know what is expected of me and how much effort my different class items require. Going to class on campus isn't as weird as I thought. I'm not as shy about speaking up in class like I used to be. While my classes require a ton of reading, it is not as bad as I anticipated.
I just needed time to adjust. I now know what I do and do not have time for after work and on the weekends. If I'm doing homework or reading for class, Zach plays Destiny or trolls around on Reddit. We have learned to adjust together.
School is normal for me once again. It will be okay.
