As I'm sitting here in a local coffee shop where I attend college, I start scrolling through my Instagram and Facebook, (typical college student avoiding homework.) I'm starting to notice a trend of my close friends from High School posting pictures of them deeply in love with their significant other. Not to mention, one of my best friends announced she was pregnant last weekend and just a few days after another one of my best friends gets engaged to her high school sweetheart. So where am I getting at here?
My entire life I've always been the "single friend", the wild one, independent, always living by her own rules. I went all 18 years of my life single, and happily single. I took pride in being that girl. But now that I'm realizing we aren't at the age of just simply "dating" anymore. Everyone around me is starting new chapters with someone they love and you could say I'm a little behind in the game. It's really starting to hit me that I've been only focused on myself for my entire life.
The good news is I know there're other people out there like me. But I'm not this way because of a past relationship that hurt me, I'm not selfish or have low confidence.. truth is I don't know why I've been like this for 18 years. Trust me, I have tried to date and I've had my fair share of what I would consider "almost boyfriends." It's like I would start getting close to someone, think I really am into them, then get scared of the closeness and bail. This is probably why I was ironically voted "biggest heartbreaker" in high school. but I wasn't proud of doing this to men, I was actually starting to get truly frustrated with myself and this repeating process. I almost feel like I have to force myself to have feelings for someone when it should just come naturally like it seems to for other girls. A lot of my friends say I'm lucky I don't get attached or fall in love, but it's really not as great as they think. Yes, I don't ever get my heart broken, but I don't benefit from it either what so ever. Am I ever going to be able to care about someone the way I want to?
If you're like me, just keep focusing on yourself and eventually all you can do is hope someone comes around making you realize why god made it so difficult for you to find "the one." Everyone deserves love, so everyone should believe in it even if you're completely confused about it. One day you'll fall madly in love, and whether that day comes tomorrow or 30 years from now.. it does not matter. Just trust in god that he has a plan for you. For now, keep going to all your friend's weddings and flirting with the groomsmen because you're young and you're free so enjoy the natural independence you were blessed with.
