If you've kept up with my articles, you've probably noticed that I like to talk about friendship. I consider myself to be immensely lucky to have the amazing friends that I have: my sister, my lifelong friend, and my friends who help me see life from a different perspective. For the most part, I've managed to avoid toxic 'friendship' and any real drama. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't struggle with some friendships I had and have. It's time for me to be honest and admit that my friendships aren't always easy and positive. At the risk of sounding too much like a blog and not a journalistic article, I want to share some advice I've gotten and how I'm trying to handle these complicated friendships. I hope this can be encouraging and helpful to anyone who relates to some of the emotions I'm feeling.

I tend to be the kind of person who just wants everyone to be happy. For some bizarre reason, I assumed that meant I had to shoulder all the stress and anxiety that my friends all felt. I got some good advice when I felt like I couldn't handle anything more: "Think of your friends and their problems like books. It's okay to spend time with the book, but when it's time to take a break that means you need to put the book back on the shelf. Don't carry the books around; it's impossible to hold all of them at the same time. When the time presents itself then you can pull the book from the shelf and revisit it, but it's wise to leave it alone when you don't need to read." Basically, it's perfectly fine to listen and help your friends but it's not your responsibility to solve their problems.

I worked through my struggle of feeling the need to handle my friends' problems, but I wasn't out of the woods. There were some people in my life that expected me to carry their anxieties and they weren't handling it well when I decided I needed to spend less time with them. When I say that they weren't handling it well I mean that they were getting mad at me. "Wow. You're spending all your time with [someone else who doesn't wear me out emotionally]. I guess I'm not worth your time anymore," was something I actually heard. The point of me saying this isn't out of hate or spite, but more of me acknowledging the change and owning up to the fact that I'm taking care of myself. I said last week that we need to encourage ourselves; part of that is taking care of my own needs. The friend who made that remark has been overly dramatic as of late, and it felt like every time I interacted with them they were complaining to me or whining about something. I couldn't handle it anymore, which is why I cut back on my time spent with them.

My mom has always given me the advice, "Sometimes you have friends for a reason, and some friends you have only for a season." This particular friendship I've mentioned isn't the first of its kind, and I doubt it will be the last. I don't want to go as far to say that the friendship fizzled out and is over because I still do consider this person a friend of mine. But I don't consider them as close as I once may have - and that's okay. I'm accepting that I can't be solely responsible for my friends, I'm accepting that I need to care for myself and that might will look messy sometimes, and I'm accepting that some friendships come and go - which is all the more reason to cherish the friends while they're in my life.