At a school like GW, where 10,000 students come from all around the world (New Jersey, New York and Connecticut) to attend university in the nation’s capital, a breed of women has emerged and risen above the others, subconsciously combining forces to create a mega-cult of the betchiest and most basic GW students.
A GW Basic Betch is a rare and magnificent sight. She is something we all hope to spot during our years at GW. With my help, I can give you a few pointers on how to make your dreams come true.
A GW Basic Betch can be found every Wednesday at Whole Foods buying wine and cheese in preparation for her weekly (daily) Wine-Wednesday with her besties. Though a true betch strives to sip on wine and pick at cheese cubes while discussing global issues, that’s rarely the case. The night usually turns into a hot mess; she is drinking straight from the bottle and devouring entire cheese wedges while binge-watching Gossip Girl, wondering why she doesn’t have a Chuck Bass in her life.
Once the GW Basic Betch begins to regret last night’s overindulgence and over-the-top calorie intake, you can find her jogging (strolling) to the Lincoln Memorial, using this outing as an excuse to 'gram the Washington Monument. I mean, she might as well, right? Her hair looks great and she is in her favorite Lululemon outfit, so the opportunity can’t be passed up…#Home #NeverGetsOld #DCliving. Other forms of cardio include SoulCyle, CorePower, and Sunday morning 'strides of pride' to her dorm room.
When she is not failing to get into Sign every Tuesday and leaving Opera after an average of 20 minutes every Thursday, a true GW Basic Betch spends her Saturday nights at the Shadow entrance flirting her way in. Once she succeeds, she is on the prowl to cop a free drink from anyone and everyone, because let’s be honest, she never buys her own (it might as well be social suicide).
The GW Basic Betch wears her letters with pride, but wears her current hookup's letters (which she obviously stole) with even more pride. She sits alone in her bed and Snapchats all of her friends a selfie in it, trying to make it seem like he gave it to her as a promise and commitment to their undying love for one another (though we all know that's strictly against the brotherhood).
With a commitment to service and helping others, she shows up to all of the fraternity philanthropy events in full athletic gear (spandex and high socks), but never actually plays because runny makeup and sweaty hair does not make the cut for cute pictures; she believes her presence is good enough. Besides, how could she pass up the opportunity to be surrounded by boys and serve her community at the same time? It’s the best of both worlds!
After a long and stressful day at the philanthropy event, she texts all of her besties and hustles to make it in time for happy-hour at Los Cuates; happy-hour is the only thing in a betch's life that is always worth breaking a sweat for. She won’t eat the tacos or the burritos because she’s on a no-carb diet, but she’ll drink the Mega-Margarita and its mega-calories since she believes that she worked extremely hard for it. She deserves it.
Halloween: a betch's favorite holiday. During Halloweekend, the GW Basic Betch is a cat. Every. Single. Year. She spends hours online shopping (during class, of course) for the perfect pair of cat ears so that she can be the best looking kitty out there. With her all-black outfit and whiskers drawn on with eyeliner, she feels fabulous and sexy, ready to take on the night. Out of the 100 identical cats, 97 lose their ears at Opera, making those lucky three girls the unspoken winners of Halloweekend.
Her ideal situation includes talking to three guys from three different fraternities (that way they'll never find out about each other), simultaneously, at all times. By doing this, the GW Basic Betch is guaranteed an invite to all of the hottest parties and formals at The George Washington University. Unfortunately, this game always ends in the same, predictable way: they all show up to Madhatter and she is forced to choose one, ruining any chances she has with the other two.
When the GW Basic Betch needs to get some work done, you can always find her sitting at a table on the third floor of Gelman, furiously typing away (talking to her friends on iMessage) while she pretends to be working on those three 10-page essays that are due by the end of the week. In order to convince herself that she is getting so much done, she lets out a sigh here and there. However, we all know it is only because her fingers are exhausted from sending her best friend screenshots of the conversation she's currently having with her crush. Together they collaborate on the perfect responses to his "nothing much, you?" and "same haha" texts, overanalyzing every comma, capital letter, and period he sends.
Though she leads a busy life, she is out there. In fact, there are many more of them than you can possibly imagine. Don’t be fooled, for if you know what to look for, the GW Basic Betch can be found all around you. She is taking in the very same air and walking the very same grounds as you. Here's an easy tip: In a world full of unique individuals, you can always find your GW Basic Betch at Gelbucks, sipping on her extra-shot Skinny Vanilla Latte wondering why her Starbucks App just froze her phone.
Most importantly, the GW Basic Betch is smart and involved. She knows what she wants and how to get it. You will never find her settling for anything less than what she deserves, for she always has to put her best foot forward. With determination beyond compare and drive that is destined for success, you should consider yourself pretty lucky to know someone as amazing as she.
