Let’s be real guys: getting us a drink, talking to us for 45 minutes at a party, or complimenting our eyes doesn’t entitle you to taking us home. I think one of the most important things I learned my freshman year of college is that most of the time, no random guy at a party truly gave a damn about what I had to say. Unfortunately, through past experience and through the observation of many, finding “the one” at a party is…well unlikely. I know, I know, someone invited the pessimist to the conversation, but let me just say, I love guys. Truly, I think they’re fantastic, and I’m dating a pretty amazing one. However, with the development of hookup culture, the lines are often blurred, and it’s clear that some don’t know if they want to hop on that bandwagon. So let me lead with this: guys, you’re great, but we don’t owe you anything.
Gosh, what a buzz kill. Let me also say this though, if you’re down for the hook up scene, then do your thing girl. In fact, a party is the prime location for you to scout out a person. However, if you’re someone looking for a true, legitimate relationship, I think it’s fair to guess that you won’t find that in a poorly lit room while Drake thumps in the background. Take it from someone who’s freshman year was clouded with grey areas, weird hybrid flings, and low self confidence- if you’re not on the same page, man, it’s awkward. Similarly, if he pushes you to move forward physically before you’re ready, run for the hills.
I think what truly baffled me during my college experience almost two years ago was just what was “expected” of me. I’ll be honest when I say I was probably the least experienced person in the room, and frankly, I was fine with it. People are defined not by the notches in the bedpost, but rather by the merit of their actions. So, how’s that for a mom statement? On a more serious note though, it made me sad when I heard a few girls talking about how they didn’t necessarily want to go that far, but they felt bad. Felt bad? If I’ll say it once, I’ll say it a million times: no one is entitled to your body. What you do with your body is up to no one else but yourself. Never, ever, feel bad for denying someone something that they were never entitled to in the first place.
Moreover, it’s this expectation that drives me insane, cuts me to the core, and made me extremely miserable at the end of my freshman year. For someone that wanted to take things slowly, it became so evident to me that this was now a rarity. I felt stupid and insecure to the point where I began to question my own decisions. Had it not been for my friends who knew me best, reassuring me completely that no, nothing was wrong with me, I don’t want to know the mistakes I would’ve made. On a happier note, yes, real, authentic, genuine, consistent, wonderful relationships are attainable. These are the guys that push you only to have an extra slice of pizza and not to get to another base. I just wish girls knew that if they’re not ready or wanting to hook up with a guy, then they don’t have to. At the end of the day, you’re not a bitch for saying no. Frankly, whoever is pushing you is a bitch for asking.
