In my year at college, I’ve been well aware of efforts to promote equality between men and women. I find it ironic that college equality efforts haven’t extended to the way we talk about each other.
What Is it about the Caf?
I don’t understand how cafeteria food and crass conversation are supposed to mesh well. Apparently, though, they do.
Time and time again, I’ve gone to the cafeteria hoping to have a nice conversation. At this point, I could care less whether we discuss our classes, families, or news topics as long as it’s clean. I just want to chat with people and get to know them.
Over and over, that “pleasant conversation” degrades into a crude talk that leaves me feeling slimed by the time I leave.
My Body is Not a Conversation Topic
I am grateful that so far to my knowledge, no one has discussed my body specifically. But as a woman, when you begin discussing female body parts, it feels personal.
I am not ashamed of my body. I love being a woman. I recognize that as a woman, I have unique body parts. You noticed that, too? Wonderful. Keep it to yourself or read a science textbook. I find it very disrespectful when you feel the need to discuss anatomy that I obviously prefer to keep to myself.
And, as a note, I don’t need to hear about your body parts, either. Have a little respect for yourself.
Show Some Intelligence
If the conversation doesn’t turn to innuendos or anatomical topics, it will invariably include crude jokes or bathroom humor.
I thought I had come to college, but maybe I’m back at kindergarten snack time.
Crudity in any form is disgusting. As a college student, don’t you have the intelligence to think of something else you can say? I love jokes, but I don’t resort to bathroom humor to get a laugh. Clean humor, funny stories, and puns are practically built into life if you just start noticing.
And swear words? I know you’re smarter than that. Build your vocabulary and find ways to better express your feelings. Cursing actually stems from a different part of your brain than normal speech. Cussing is an emotional response while speech is a critical thinking response. You can learn to respond critically in situations rather than resorting to emotive outbursts.
Next time you think only women are emotional, guys, try tracking how many swear words you use in a minute. Those are all emotional responses.
Girls, What Are You Thinking?
Men have been the primary perpetrators of the above topics in conversations I’ve encountered. However, I’ve been shocked at the number of girls who join in various aspects of crudity.
I’ve found women on campus who can cuss as well as any sailor. I suppose if that’s the skill set you mean to build in college, then you’re on track.
Even if women don’t participate in crudity, we often condone it. Girls, we don’t have to put up with this. If someone’s conversation offends you, politely ask them to speak more respectfully. Don’t laugh if a joke makes you uncomfortable. It’s not our job to keep guys from feeling awkward when they probably should be ashamed of what they just said.
By the way, men are not the only ones who objectify. Women can and do objectify men just as easily.
It’s not OK when we sit around and decide who the cutest guy is. It’s not OK when we discuss a man’s merits and faults as if comparing car models. It’s not OK when we treat a man as a prize to be gained and forget that he is an individual with a unique soul who should be known, not used.
Let’s Do It Together
My goal is never to pit women against men. (Speaking of kindergarten, I already went through girls vs. boys. I’m ready to move on.) Let’s work together as a team.
Men, respect and protect the women around you, even if the only way you do it is by your words.
Women, let’s respect men in the way we handle crudity. Let’s respect them enough to see them as a person and not a prize. Let’s call them to a higher standard and ask them to grow up into the men they can be.
One Last Word…
To the men and women who treat others with honor, thank you.
We notice.
